Monday, June 23, 2008
Oh happy day!
I told myself that I would be so happy if my plant ever bloomed. Since I got it in January I have seen bud after bud show up and then drop off. I read on the gardenia card that if the buds drop off it's because of not enough, or too much watering. So, I made it my job this summer to see one of the buds bloom. This summer alone about 5 buds have dropped. I started to feel like it was some significant life failure to not be able to nuture this plant enough so that it would keep its potential flowers. Well, it's true, my thumb is not green, but I found proof this morning that miracles do happen. The gardenia plant bloomed FINALLY and the peace lily is on its way. There's another flower bud in the first picture getting ready to bloom...I hope it finds its way into our world soon!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
On a day like any other
Well, it happened. I wondered how I would answer this question when asked, but no one asked me for 5 months. No one asked me very often before 5 months ago, but I knew it would happen eventually. "Do you have kids?" That is a good question. I think I told some people before that I would never answer no to that question because it would feel like I was denying her. I would feel so wrong saying no. I thought later that sometimes no is just the easier answer--less revealing, and safer when you're short on time or you know that someone would not care as much as you would like them to.
Yesterday I got up at regular summer time for Deb Demarest. Any guesses on when that is? About 9:00. If you know me, you know that I can sleeeep. I sleep like it's my job. It's embarrassing to admit how much I can sleep, and it's actually one thing I would change about myself...hmmm, that would actually be a very easy thing to change if I possessed any self discipline at all. I do, but don't always practice it when it comes to sleeping, eating, exercising, or TV. Anyway, I stepped out onto our new deck with a couple 60 second devotional books to enjoy the cool morning. Now all that was missing was a lake, a rock to sit on, and some kind of morning drink. However, I don't like coffee or tea---yes, I've tried them, and I still don't like them. While reading the books I realized that it was June 20th. Five months since Grace was born. The 20th will be a date that sparks something in my head for a while. I thought to myself, "Did that really happen? Was I really pregnant? Is it really possible that after something so horrible happened to my sister...after experiencing such hurt, that it seriously happened again?" Sometimes it feels like it was too awful to have happened once, much less twice, much less to me.
I had that feeling again today. "Did that really happen?"
My day on the 20th went along as planned. And by that I mean I beat the LOST 360 game. Then I went for a hair cut. I had gone to see this girl in early January and we talked about the baby. She told me to come back when she was born. She didn't remember me when I sat down yesterday. In fact we hardly said a word to each other for most of the hair cut, until out of nowhere she asked me if I had any kids. Out of impulse I answered no. Then I caught myself and said, "Well, actually, I've been here before..." I went on to tell her about the last time I was there and how I was pregnant and how we lost our baby. I had time to talk and I read in a book recently that when others have experienced a loss, a person should just listen to their story, because you're giving them a chance to practice the testimony that God will use for years and years to come. So, I decided to tell her. She said, "That's so sad." "Yes," I said, "it is." She went on to tell me how her sister is having her first baby. Somewhere deep inside myself I needed to find the strength to be ok with that.
Later that day Luke and I were at the gas station in Moville and he saw his highschool friend's mom. She asked him if he had any kids yet. Luke said no and I shook my head, very aware of how I was answering. This time there was no previous meeting and there was no time for expounding. She went on to tell us how she has seven grandchildren. Somewhere deep inside myself I needed to find the strength to be ok with that.
So, weird that two people asked in one day. I will get a chance to answer that question all my life. It will get easier. Life marches on. Let us run the race with patience, looking unto Jesus, the AUTHOR and FINISHER of our faith.
On a very different note, here's what I'm mulling over in my brain these days: what is the role of Satan on this earth? What kind of credit should we be giving him for the amount of discord/death/disease/hurt in this world? So many Christians see this differently, and they even write books about it/talk about it on the radio, but what does the Bible say? This is something I will be looking into. BIG question. No pressure for answers from my readers, just an invitation to see inside my head.
Yesterday I got up at regular summer time for Deb Demarest. Any guesses on when that is? About 9:00. If you know me, you know that I can sleeeep. I sleep like it's my job. It's embarrassing to admit how much I can sleep, and it's actually one thing I would change about myself...hmmm, that would actually be a very easy thing to change if I possessed any self discipline at all. I do, but don't always practice it when it comes to sleeping, eating, exercising, or TV. Anyway, I stepped out onto our new deck with a couple 60 second devotional books to enjoy the cool morning. Now all that was missing was a lake, a rock to sit on, and some kind of morning drink. However, I don't like coffee or tea---yes, I've tried them, and I still don't like them. While reading the books I realized that it was June 20th. Five months since Grace was born. The 20th will be a date that sparks something in my head for a while. I thought to myself, "Did that really happen? Was I really pregnant? Is it really possible that after something so horrible happened to my sister...after experiencing such hurt, that it seriously happened again?" Sometimes it feels like it was too awful to have happened once, much less twice, much less to me.
I had that feeling again today. "Did that really happen?"
My day on the 20th went along as planned. And by that I mean I beat the LOST 360 game. Then I went for a hair cut. I had gone to see this girl in early January and we talked about the baby. She told me to come back when she was born. She didn't remember me when I sat down yesterday. In fact we hardly said a word to each other for most of the hair cut, until out of nowhere she asked me if I had any kids. Out of impulse I answered no. Then I caught myself and said, "Well, actually, I've been here before..." I went on to tell her about the last time I was there and how I was pregnant and how we lost our baby. I had time to talk and I read in a book recently that when others have experienced a loss, a person should just listen to their story, because you're giving them a chance to practice the testimony that God will use for years and years to come. So, I decided to tell her. She said, "That's so sad." "Yes," I said, "it is." She went on to tell me how her sister is having her first baby. Somewhere deep inside myself I needed to find the strength to be ok with that.
Later that day Luke and I were at the gas station in Moville and he saw his highschool friend's mom. She asked him if he had any kids yet. Luke said no and I shook my head, very aware of how I was answering. This time there was no previous meeting and there was no time for expounding. She went on to tell us how she has seven grandchildren. Somewhere deep inside myself I needed to find the strength to be ok with that.
So, weird that two people asked in one day. I will get a chance to answer that question all my life. It will get easier. Life marches on. Let us run the race with patience, looking unto Jesus, the AUTHOR and FINISHER of our faith.
On a very different note, here's what I'm mulling over in my brain these days: what is the role of Satan on this earth? What kind of credit should we be giving him for the amount of discord/death/disease/hurt in this world? So many Christians see this differently, and they even write books about it/talk about it on the radio, but what does the Bible say? This is something I will be looking into. BIG question. No pressure for answers from my readers, just an invitation to see inside my head.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
What I did today...
We set up our new Wii. We did not need another gaming system, but this is what Luke chose to do with his extra earnings. I'm just excited because it means we can now play Gauntlet again. Anybody want to play?
We also went to a free screening of Get Smart. It was entertaining, and the CW news crew was there. I'm sitting watching TV now, waiting to see if we made it on the news. I kinda hope not.
Steve Carell brought his personality to Max Smart, which made the movie enjoyable. I don't really like Anne Hathaway, so that made the movie not enjoyable.
Steve Carell brought his personality to Max Smart, which made the movie enjoyable. I don't really like Anne Hathaway, so that made the movie not enjoyable. Wednesday, June 11, 2008
2nd installment in the "What I did on a summer's day" series.
Today I turned one long curtain into two shorter ones. Pumpkin likes them. Wow, lots of white in this room.
Today we widened our rock driveway. Seems that we are slowly killing all the grass in our yard. What else can we put on top of our lucious green-ness? If you look past the driveway you will see our hurting peonies. I was talking to Luke's mom this weekend, telling her how happy I was for the blooms, but that they just look terrible. Maybe it's because of the high winds or large amounts of rain... Later over lunch Luke informed us all that he had fallen into the peonies. I should have known. I'll let you all wonder at why he fell into the flowers. Any guesses? This could be good. I expect a funny answer from Mandy Shew. Hey, why stop there. I'm going to shoot for the stars. I want a guess from Keith Shew.
Observed the doplar while it so rudely interrupted the show I've been waiting to watch all day. I know, I know, it's saving lives. Thank heaven for weather men. Although, I'm not real thankful for Mike Zwier, KTIV's weekend weatherman. He just can't seem to get his sentences out sometimes. Yeah, they're doing a really good job of letting me see the commercials, but not the show.
Today I turned one long curtain into two shorter ones. Pumpkin likes them. Wow, lots of white in this room.
This is not something I did today, but I have not shown you all our new deck. It is minus stairs and railing, but it is serving its purpose well. Cute...such a big deck for such a little house.
Since the addition of the deck, our cats are able to reach the windows and meow when they want in. Right now Pumpkin is meowing loudly because it is starting to rain. Yes, I made her stay out there for a little bit just so I could get this picture.
Today we widened our rock driveway. Seems that we are slowly killing all the grass in our yard. What else can we put on top of our lucious green-ness? If you look past the driveway you will see our hurting peonies. I was talking to Luke's mom this weekend, telling her how happy I was for the blooms, but that they just look terrible. Maybe it's because of the high winds or large amounts of rain... Later over lunch Luke informed us all that he had fallen into the peonies. I should have known. I'll let you all wonder at why he fell into the flowers. Any guesses? This could be good. I expect a funny answer from Mandy Shew. Hey, why stop there. I'm going to shoot for the stars. I want a guess from Keith Shew.
