"All of my life,
In every season,
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship."
--words from one of the worship songs this morning

Today two seasons of my life collided strongly. A case could be made that these two seasons collide every day. That is absolutely true. Today was just stronger.

I attended church in Correctionville this morning, and the worship was just wonderful, as always. We sang a song containing the words above, and I was reminded of the seasons God takes us through. Luke and I are about to embark on a very busy season of life. Older and wiser people would probably tell me, "get used to it, sister." We announced this weekend that we're expecting another little Demarest blessing in June. We are excited, and truth be told, a little nervous for the inevitable sleeplessness. But, PRAISE GOD for the the sleeplessness that WILL come.

This season of life finds us full of smiles, laughter, and joy.

So, we went to church in Correctionville to celebrate the dedication of Josiah Gitlin. Josiah is a wonderful gift from God to the Gitlin family, and all of us who know him. He was adopted from Ethiopia. So, today we remembered his journey and delivery home with the help of testimony, pictures, and music. At the end of Josiah's picture video I was brought to tears with the declaration "In Memory of Grace Elizabeth Demarest". What a tremendous blessing to have friends that care so much for our daughter, even though they never saw her. I'm frustrated because I can't find words to express how much it means. ...two seasons of life collided right then.

That season of life found us a little hopeless, clutching to God and anyone who would listen, confused, awkward, sad, but still thankful that we were on the right track. Immediately we were found to be simultaneously desperate for God, and frustrated with His ways. We found new trust in Him and a new level of depth in our knowledge of Him. Our expected baby has the same due date as was Grace's. We trust and believe that this date will be redeemed.

I started my day early with praise for my God, and even with reminders of different seasons, I continued my day with adoration for my God.

Today just meant a lot to me...and I wanted to share.

Exhibit A

I've been saving this voicemail for months now because I think it just says so much about normal life for the Demarests. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it until I wrote a transcript here for you. It makes me laugh a lot.

A little background before the transcript: the caller is a former student of Luke's. With two years of college under his belt, it is clear he hasn't forgotten how fun it can be to come home. He was also a core member of a group of, now former, high-schoolers who would make anyone double over in fits of laughter. This boy also attends our church, so we see him regularly.

"Mr. Demarest, this is Andrew...Baker, son of Paul and Lori. um. We just got word that Michael Aman is going to be in town only 'til Thursday. So we all scrambled, and we're gonna get Halo night going at my house, tomorrow night, Tuesday night, May thirty-first, maybe June first, I don't know, but I'm fairly confident now that you know which Tuesday night I'm referring to. Um, but this is very important, I mean Micahel's here, it will be the only chance this summer. You know, I may have to work at six o'clock in the morning Wednesday, but I'm sacrificing for the good of the whole to have it. You know, so we're expecting you here no matter what, Demarest. So, please give me a call when you get this to let me know that you're coming and that'd be great. Peace and love bro-chacho."

Luke did not attend this Halo party. He had already used his late-night gaming party pass for the 'quarter' a few days before we received Andrew's call. Also, it turns out this party did not get started until around midnight because of someone's car trouble.

I think I can erase the message now.

Memorial Day

A day to remember.

I want to go on record...

I want to go on record with something. I'm probably not right, but in case I am, I want everyone to know I knew it before it was confirmed.

I'm a LOST fan.
I'm not convinced Jacob is good. I'm not convinced Smokie is bad.
Just sayin.

Is Your Marriage Fireproof?

Last night Luke and I watched Fireproof. I figured it was a Christian movie because of the presence of Kirk Cameron, and the fact that the Christian Book Store used it as its cash cow for like a year. Well, we Netflixed it, and sat down with popcorn to watch Kirk's newest. Within the first five minutes we had poked fun at Kirk twice, criticized the leading actress' acting, and knew how the movie was going to turn out without any prior knowledge of the movie. Yes, it had its cheese factor, but it had its thoughtful factor too. It presented an interesting concept, and no matter how a good Christian may struggle or resist, they can't help but take away a challenge to do right. Oh, and who doesn't like to see Mike Seaver? I don't know any child of the 80's who wouldn't enjoy Mike Seaver, no matter how 'crazy' he got after that 'God stuff' happened to him.

Luke must have taken a page from 'The Love Dare' book, stuck it under his pillow, and let it soak into his brain last night. (Truth be told, he must do this every night, but I'll just tell you about today's abundant evidence.) Luke woke up twice during the night to help Hope fall back asleep. This consisted of walking into her room while she was wimpering, and putting the pacifier back in her mouth. We're not sure why she wakes up randomly during the night, but then falls immediately back to sleep. Then, when she was READY to be up at 6:45 Luke got up with her. He sat with her while she ate, and while she watched Baby Einstein, and watched her while he made breakfast for me. At 8:30 I woke up to find eggs and toast and a happy baby. ( I also found that my cat Pumpkin had again played with Hope's socks, and lost another single sock. Now I have two socks without a match.) Then Luke told me that it would be OK with him if I went to Sioux City by myself today to shop or go to Panera, or whatever. So, here I am, at Panera, loving that I got to get ready to go somewhere today, and that it's just me. I thought I would write a quick post since I had time, and this is what came to mind.

While sitting here, I've listened to other people gossip, watched people read, and order, and make polite conversation. Panera really spans generations.

Well, the end.

Whoa! I knew it had been a long time, but I didn't realize it had been THIS long! Since the last time was January, it is time for an update, or at least a tidbit.

As I arrive at the anniversary of being home for a year, I'm thinking about how I've kept myself busy. For the first six months I endured the warm summer months mostly at home alone. I loved the warm weather, but didn't run around on the beach, or hike through the woods, or swim in the ocean. I was taking it easy because I was caring for the unborn babe. In fact, the one time I did push the activity level up a notch, my doctor told me to stay off my feet and take it easy. So, according to my neighbor, for the first six months I "sat around inside all day". :)

Then in November the little girl came. Yay! Life changed, and now that we've gotten used to each other, life feels normal. Our first month together was difficult, but happy. In fact, if you're looking for some sympathy when it comes to nursing, I've got your back.

Now that the weather is getting nicer I'm pumped to take Hope outside, and let her interact with friends since she's noticing others a lot more now.

Now it's time for some of my favorites:

**Luke having time off. We're planning a trip to Minneapolis to see Wicked. We missed it when Wicked came to Des Moines, so the next nearest place is Minneapolis in August.

**Jimmy Fallon does a pretty funny parody of LOST on his late night show. He calls it 'LATE'. Check it out!

**My violin. I should practice more than I do, but I think I've made great strides in a few months! I played alongside my brother-in-law the other day as he plaayed his guitar, and I think it sounded pretty good. The violin is such a beautiful instrument, and I hope to play really well someday. Sometimes I have to fight Luke for it--he likes to play it too.

**Here are some of my favorite pictures of Baby Girl.

Today I found my cat sleeping in Hope's room. He was all curled up in the sunlight spilling in through the window. I thought to myself that I hadn't seen him sleep there before...then I remembered that this is the first spring that we've had that door open. After Grace was born we kept that door closed most of the time. We kept it closed during the winter anyway because it was one less room to heat. I said a sincere thank you to God this morning when I saw my cat sleeping in Hope's room. I'm thankful that we have that door open now.

I'm going to try to upload a video so you can see our little girl in action. But I'm going to do it in a separate post.

We will never be the same

Happy Birthday, Gracie

We love you, and miss you, and will never forget you.

It's cold and icy today. I remember it was insanely cold the week following your birthday. The freezing temperatures made it all the harder for us be comforted. We will never feel OK about what happened, but we have received some comfort.

Words cannot express how much we love you. Some day your sister will talk about you and love you too.

Nothing could have prepared me....

I'm convinced nothing could have prepared me for our sweet baby Hope. And it's not just Hope we weren't capable of being prepared for, it's parenthood in general.

There was no way to prepare me for labor recovery, for lack of sleep, for mood swings brought on by recovery/lack of sleep. No way to prepare me for all the uncertainty. I've discovered something about myself: when I'm encountering something new I like to talk to lots of different people about what I'm experiencing. Someone else needs to know about this! I also want them to tell me what to do. I'm so full of questions! I guess I'm learning that I want to do things right the first time, and if I don't know how to do it right, I'm very reluctant to jump in and do it anyway, knowing that there's the possibility of making a mistake or getting hurt. When I think about my life I can see how this has played out many times before! My twin Liz was always the first to do things like getting painful shots, seeing the scary doctor, dating, marriage, kids, everything! It's like I had always felt better going ahead with something after seeing that she did it successfully. If I notice someone's success with getting their baby to nap, sleep through the night, etc., I'm so eager to grill them and find out exactly what I need to do. The problem with this is that all kids are so different, and some things a mom just needs to figure out for herself.

Something else I couldn't have been prepared for: the JOY of being a mom. I have felt the love for a child before, but not the love and joy of mothering. The Lord has fulfilled the longing of my heart when it comes to being a mom. As evidenced by last night's tears shed for our baby Grace, there is still a longing in my heart for our baby Grace. I long for Hope to know her sister, to have a family of 4...oh, it could have been! It could have been. But it wasn't to be. There are some things in life that will always make me cry, and in some way it's inexplicable. Like, I can't even think about not crying before the tears are there. Some days I look at Hope and pray and pray for her, and give thanks for her, and long for Grace at the same time. My longing will be fulfilled one day in Heaven. Hope is such a symbol for us. She's a representation of the hope we have in our Savior, and also of the magnificent hope Luke and I experienced the day Grace was born, and then passed. She's a reminder of Gracie, of the pain and hurt, but also a reminder of God's loving care for us; incredible faithfulness and his blessings. We're so thankful for Hope!

Nothing could have prepared me for Hope.

I cannot wait to keep learning about her, to keep mothering her, to have conversations with her, to teach her new things, to watch her laugh with her daddy, to share her with Grandmas and Grandpas...