Broke my heart

Tonight in tears Hope told me she doesn't like her face. This broke my heart. I asked her what she meant. She said when I look in the mirror I don't like what I see. My face. It's too much like an oval.

I realized I don't know how to help her feel better. I've thought these things too--not that my face is too oval, but a thousand other things. The thought ran through my mind: oh no, what have I said to be an example of this kind of attitude? I did not seem crazy to me that she might have heard me say something similar, and now she's starting to look for things she doesn't like about herself. Oh Lord, I feel terrible if I've caused her to ever think that she has reason to dislike her body.

My heart broke because I see no wrong thing when I look at Hope. I think she is gorgeous! But I didn't want to say you're beautiful! You're gorgeous! You're prettier than any other little girl! She needs to value herself, she needs to see her worth, she needs to see her own beauty on the inside and then hopefully she'll see what I see on the outside too.

I had her look at my face. She smiled and giggled a little and stopped crying. I asked if my face is oval. She said yes. I asked if she likes my face. She said yes. I told her she is just right and so beautiful in God's eyes and mine.

We got interrupted at that minute, and I'm not sure if she felt any better. I guess at this time I'm thankful she felt safe enough to tell me how she feels. I'm also encouraged to be careful about what I say about myself. I'm also encouraged to help her understand how God feels about her and help her find her beauty and worth and talent and value.

She's so beautiful! It is so sad to me that she dislikes what she sees in the mirror. I can find no ugly thing!

Is this how God feels about me?


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The Angels are Rejoicing!

Sweet Olivia asked Jesus into her heart tonight. It might be the sweetest thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. I told her the angels are rejoicing and we will be together forever! That makes her happy. Praise God!

"Mom, do you know when you'll go to heaven?"
"No, I don't. Nobody does. It happens when we die, or when Jesus comes back."
Astonished, "Jesus is coming back to Earth?"
"Yes, He will! Do you know that? He died on the cross, rose again, then he went up to Heaven." All these things she was familiar with. "And when he went up to heaven, he said live for me until I come back for you."
"What will happen when he comes back?"
"He will take everyone up to heaven with him."
We were talking in nearly whispers as her sister lay above us occasionally wondering what I was still doing talking to Olivia even after good-nights at 9:30 on a Wednesday night after AWANA.
"Will he take everyone in the whole world up to heaven with him?"
"No, he will only take the people who believe in him, and who have asked them to be their savior. When we ask Jesus to be our savior we get to go to heaven with him. Do you know what happens when you don't do that?"
"No."
"If you don't ask Jesus to be your savior, you go to a place called hell. Have you heard that word before?"
"No."
"It is a very bad place, and it's where the Devil is."
"How do you ask Jesus to be in your heart?"
"That's a really good question, Olivia. Some people pray a prayer and say thank you Jesus for dying for my sins. Please forgive my sins and come into my heart, and help me live my life for you. And whenever you're ready, Olivia, you can pray that prayer if you want Jesus to be in your heart."
"Can I do it right now?"
"Yes, you can, Olivia."
"You do it."
"I think it's something that you need to do."
"Me?"
"Yes, because Mommy already said that prayer."
"You did?"
"Yes. And Daddy did too, and Hope."
"And Griffin?"
"Not yet, but we will pray that he will someday."
I gave her some ideas of things she could say to Jesus in her prayer. And she began with no fear, very assured that this is what she wanted to do, and this is what she believed. This was her conviction.
"Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sin. And thank you for forgiving my sin. And thank you for loving me. Amen."
The angels are rejoicing!
"Do you want to also say something like please come into my heart, be my savior, thank you?"
"Yes"
So she did. She sweetly, quietly asked for a few helps. What a sweet soul she is. Praise God!
We spoke about how the angels are rejoicing because of her decision, and how the Holy Spirit is living inside of her right now. I had to explain what the Holy Spirit is, and what is does for people who believe in Jesus.
"I have the Holy Spirit living in me, and it helps me make good decisions. It helps me be a better mom. It helps me understand things about God. And now He is living in your heart to help you."
She was happy. She gave me big hugs, and we talked about who we would see in heaven.
As she drifts off to sleep tonight I know the Lord is rejoicing over her sensitive heart. He is loving her better than I am right now. I like to think of him seeing the things she'll do in her life to serve him, and seeing the heart to hearts they'll have. Lord, as she drifts off to sleep, I recognize that she is yours. Thank you ever so much for the privilege of being her Momma. I have received an incredible gift.
I checked on Hope and she wondered why we had taken so long. Our whispers...
"Olivia and I were talking about Jesus, and she just asked Jesus into her heart."
Realizing the weight of those words, "She did?"
"Yes, isn't that wonderful?"
"mm-hmm. I already did that."
"Yes, you did, and now we will be in heaven together forever."
We again talked about how we all will, but Griffin has not made that decision yet.
So, we pray. Lord, we ask with hopeful hearts and dependent hearts that you would bring Griffin to yourself. And we praise you with adoring hearts that you have given Daddy, Mommy, Hope and Olivia the gift of salvation.
The Lord be praised.