I've always wanted to follow the rules. Unless I think you're rules are dumb. If that's the case I will do what I KNOW is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I will argue and show my emotion in a kind of embarrassing way. My mom used to tell me, "You argue! I'm going to tell your husband someday that you like to argue." I don't think she has, but I don't think she's needed to either. Luke found out on his own.
Anyway, in general, I'm going to follow your rules with little thought.
Maybe that's a problem though.
I've noticed my surprising lack of thought when it comes to living my own life. It's like, through years of conditioning and observation, I've noted and kept careful track of these "Rules of Life". A silly example: "There is one way to sell a house. You hire a realtor and put a sign in the yard." There's always another option when you are a Demarest, and usually it's a cheaper, do-it-yourself kind of option. This has taken some getting used to. Not to say that it's always the right option, or that we always go that route.
Anyway, because I'm for the most part a rule follower, I don't think out of the box. I guess you could say my strong suit is not creative play. Give me rules and tell me how to do it, or how you figured it out, and I'll copy you. I do that over and over again.
I've been thinking lately, "It's my life. I want it to count. I don't want to wake up one day and look around to find my children grown and be unhappy with how I've lived because I haven't taken responsibility for what is happening here. I don't want to fail at planning our life, fail at being purposeful, fail at making decisions/actions that are eternal. It's not everybody else's life. Who cares what they do. I can do something different. It's not wrong if it's different."
Luke and I are HORRIBLE at making decisions. Absolutely horrible. We definitely put off making them. Is it because we generally don't care either way? Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's because we are procrastinators. We know the decision doesn't need to be made yet, so we won't talk about it any more than we have to, until the need for a decision is upon us. That can be dangerous in life because what if that leads to a hasty decision? What if our lack of discussion and time given to the subject leads to a decision we will be unhappy with later?
The good news is that we have put a lot of thought into our current living and building situation and we are moving ahead in a prepared manner. The bad news is that for the next 6-12 months there will be many decisions that will confront us daily. If you see me lying on the floor in the fetal position you know it's because I can't handle all these decisions.
In conclusion, I want to own my life. I want to write a purpose statement for my life and revisit it periodically. I don't want my life to happen by accident or have other people tell me how to live it. I want it to be purposeful, eternally-driven, and a true testimony of God's faithfulness. When I wake up in the morning I want to say, "Yep, this is my life. I chose this. I'm happy with what it is."
I am, by the way...happy with what it is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Life in the 'Ville
What should I tell you about the last few months? I will give you an update from my new HP Elite Pad...not to be confused with a Leap Pad. They sound similar. We have made the distinction at our house already.
* We have been living at Luke's grandparent's house since we moved on Thanksgiving weekend. When we moved in, Grandpa was living in the nursing home, so the house was vacant. Grandpa has since passed away. We are thankful for the family's generosity to let us stay here while we wait for our new house to be built. The house meets our needs nicely, except for the number of bedrooms. There are two. Griffin currently sleeps in a oversized closet in his pack 'n play. He will be well into his second year by the time we move again, so we will cross the bridge of moving him out of there and into...the girls' room?? Not sure what to do about that yet.
* It is definitely still winter here. I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not walking around complaining about it. We have spent much of the winter here, in the 'Ville, playing inside and recovering from multiple rounds of illness. It will be nice to officially welcome spring with the warmer temps hopefully next week. We need to get out of the house.
* When spring arrives we will begin construction on our new house. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because what a tremendous gift and blessing that is all wrapped up in a ranch style, 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, main-floor-laundry house (when completed). Nervous because money makes me nervous, and this is a huge financial endeavor. I'm completely scared of spending too much on carpet and not having enough money for the kitchen cabinets that I want (for example). One thing I heard this week, on the Today show, that I'm really taking to heart is that a lack of will power is really just a failure to be organized. So, the problem is not that I'm an over spender or an over eater, it's that I don't have a budget or a daily food plan.
* Enter food. This winter has also seen me running on my treadmill and attempting to keep better tabs on what I'm eating. As I alluded to earlier, I've seen my need for a food plan. I need to be keeping track of my calories if I want to aid my running in accomplishing my weight loss goal. I have a 5K goal for this year. I plan to run one on July 6.
*Something I've been pondering...what in the world is my community right now??? I want to serve and minister to a community, and be part of a community, but seriously, what is my community? C'ville? I feel like I only just live here, buy gas and 32 ounces at the local Casey's, and occasionally shop at the new grocery store. Motown? (my pet name) Not really. Not yet. When we were there before it's scary how few connections we had. BSF? This weekly Bible study provides a wonderful community of ladies of many ages. I love sitting in a room of ladies 10-40 years my senior. Suddenly I am transported to a world and perspective that is refreshing and uplifting, at least this year. Unfortunately I can only make it there half the time...that's life with three that are so little. So I can't really say I'm contributing to a community there, at least not consistently. A church community? This is by far the strongest one, but even that isn't saying much these days. I've missed a lot of church lately because of sick kids. When I am there it seems like I'm juggling a diaper bag and kids and coats, and find it hard to focus on other people, other surroundings. Usually when I am there I walk away having had at least one good conversation so that's good. BUT I feel like a missing element right now is my contribution factor. I know it will get better and easier, so I'm going to ride this tide trying to live purposefully wherever I am. I guess that "wherever" just happens to be with three little ones that depend on me for so much right now. That's kind of a beautiful place to be. I like them a lot, and I'm pretty bent on making sure they are smart, respectful, kind and caring with a knowledge and love for God. I want them to learn it from me, so I guess I'm in the right place.
* On the other hand, am I seriously still spoon feeding a baby? Yes. I thought about this today and it blew my mind a little.
It's late, and I'm already breaking my "No social media contribution after 11 pm" rule and my "Close your eyes by 10 pm" rule.
I'll end by attempting to upload the first picture I took with the HP Elite.
* We have been living at Luke's grandparent's house since we moved on Thanksgiving weekend. When we moved in, Grandpa was living in the nursing home, so the house was vacant. Grandpa has since passed away. We are thankful for the family's generosity to let us stay here while we wait for our new house to be built. The house meets our needs nicely, except for the number of bedrooms. There are two. Griffin currently sleeps in a oversized closet in his pack 'n play. He will be well into his second year by the time we move again, so we will cross the bridge of moving him out of there and into...the girls' room?? Not sure what to do about that yet.
* It is definitely still winter here. I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not walking around complaining about it. We have spent much of the winter here, in the 'Ville, playing inside and recovering from multiple rounds of illness. It will be nice to officially welcome spring with the warmer temps hopefully next week. We need to get out of the house.
* When spring arrives we will begin construction on our new house. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because what a tremendous gift and blessing that is all wrapped up in a ranch style, 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, main-floor-laundry house (when completed). Nervous because money makes me nervous, and this is a huge financial endeavor. I'm completely scared of spending too much on carpet and not having enough money for the kitchen cabinets that I want (for example). One thing I heard this week, on the Today show, that I'm really taking to heart is that a lack of will power is really just a failure to be organized. So, the problem is not that I'm an over spender or an over eater, it's that I don't have a budget or a daily food plan.
* Enter food. This winter has also seen me running on my treadmill and attempting to keep better tabs on what I'm eating. As I alluded to earlier, I've seen my need for a food plan. I need to be keeping track of my calories if I want to aid my running in accomplishing my weight loss goal. I have a 5K goal for this year. I plan to run one on July 6.
*Something I've been pondering...what in the world is my community right now??? I want to serve and minister to a community, and be part of a community, but seriously, what is my community? C'ville? I feel like I only just live here, buy gas and 32 ounces at the local Casey's, and occasionally shop at the new grocery store. Motown? (my pet name) Not really. Not yet. When we were there before it's scary how few connections we had. BSF? This weekly Bible study provides a wonderful community of ladies of many ages. I love sitting in a room of ladies 10-40 years my senior. Suddenly I am transported to a world and perspective that is refreshing and uplifting, at least this year. Unfortunately I can only make it there half the time...that's life with three that are so little. So I can't really say I'm contributing to a community there, at least not consistently. A church community? This is by far the strongest one, but even that isn't saying much these days. I've missed a lot of church lately because of sick kids. When I am there it seems like I'm juggling a diaper bag and kids and coats, and find it hard to focus on other people, other surroundings. Usually when I am there I walk away having had at least one good conversation so that's good. BUT I feel like a missing element right now is my contribution factor. I know it will get better and easier, so I'm going to ride this tide trying to live purposefully wherever I am. I guess that "wherever" just happens to be with three little ones that depend on me for so much right now. That's kind of a beautiful place to be. I like them a lot, and I'm pretty bent on making sure they are smart, respectful, kind and caring with a knowledge and love for God. I want them to learn it from me, so I guess I'm in the right place.
* On the other hand, am I seriously still spoon feeding a baby? Yes. I thought about this today and it blew my mind a little.
It's late, and I'm already breaking my "No social media contribution after 11 pm" rule and my "Close your eyes by 10 pm" rule.
I'll end by attempting to upload the first picture I took with the HP Elite.
