I've always wanted to follow the rules. Unless I think you're rules are dumb. If that's the case I will do what I KNOW is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I will argue and show my emotion in a kind of embarrassing way. My mom used to tell me, "You argue! I'm going to tell your husband someday that you like to argue." I don't think she has, but I don't think she's needed to either. Luke found out on his own.
Anyway, in general, I'm going to follow your rules with little thought.
Maybe that's a problem though.
I've noticed my surprising lack of thought when it comes to living my own life. It's like, through years of conditioning and observation, I've noted and kept careful track of these "Rules of Life". A silly example: "There is one way to sell a house. You hire a realtor and put a sign in the yard." There's always another option when you are a Demarest, and usually it's a cheaper, do-it-yourself kind of option. This has taken some getting used to. Not to say that it's always the right option, or that we always go that route.
Anyway, because I'm for the most part a rule follower, I don't think out of the box. I guess you could say my strong suit is not creative play. Give me rules and tell me how to do it, or how you figured it out, and I'll copy you. I do that over and over again.
I've been thinking lately, "It's my life. I want it to count. I don't want to wake up one day and look around to find my children grown and be unhappy with how I've lived because I haven't taken responsibility for what is happening here. I don't want to fail at planning our life, fail at being purposeful, fail at making decisions/actions that are eternal. It's not everybody else's life. Who cares what they do. I can do something different. It's not wrong if it's different."
Luke and I are HORRIBLE at making decisions. Absolutely horrible. We definitely put off making them. Is it because we generally don't care either way? Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's because we are procrastinators. We know the decision doesn't need to be made yet, so we won't talk about it any more than we have to, until the need for a decision is upon us. That can be dangerous in life because what if that leads to a hasty decision? What if our lack of discussion and time given to the subject leads to a decision we will be unhappy with later?
The good news is that we have put a lot of thought into our current living and building situation and we are moving ahead in a prepared manner. The bad news is that for the next 6-12 months there will be many decisions that will confront us daily. If you see me lying on the floor in the fetal position you know it's because I can't handle all these decisions.
In conclusion, I want to own my life. I want to write a purpose statement for my life and revisit it periodically. I don't want my life to happen by accident or have other people tell me how to live it. I want it to be purposeful, eternally-driven, and a true testimony of God's faithfulness. When I wake up in the morning I want to say, "Yep, this is my life. I chose this. I'm happy with what it is."
I am, by the way...happy with what it is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
No comments:
Post a Comment