Chill out

I got a chance to talk to my nurse today. She comes once a week to my house for 20 weeks. Only three weeks left! Anyway, she told me to relax a little. She wasn't talking about staying off my feet. She was talking about my nerves. Relax, Deb. I appreciated that.

She was right when she said, "It's all hitting you isn't it?"
-Needing to put plans on hold for selling the house. It's ok. It will get done in time; sooner or later.
-Soon your life will be CHANGED. You have two mild-mannered, well-behaved girls, and there's about to be a fruit basket upset.
-You'd like to not have to worry about your activity level, but you do. It's ok. You've made it so far already, and if things were really bad, you wouldn't be at home, you'd be in the hospital.
-This is your pregnancy normal, and all you can do is take care of your family. All you should be doing right now is cuddling your girls since your arms will be full soon.
-No, a 32 week baby is not a 40 week baby, but we're talking a Sioux City birth, very manageable.

Thanks, Nurse Anne. And thanks for acknowledging that Hope was not herself today. I know, right? We all have those days, or weeks.

Psalm 127:1-5

Thank you for a good word today, Lord.
You knew I needed it.

Psalm 127:1-5
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.


Thank you, Lord, for the reminder that my efforts and planning are in vain unless I let you be the head builder. I am the watchman of my baby and girls right now. And even though I feel very alone and afraid, in You I am exactly the opposite. I have never felt this kind of pain and contractions prior to labor before, and it doesn't make any sense to me that I'm not dilating, but my anxieties are futile. I'm not alone. My baby boy is not alone. You are with us. I understand today more than ever how you are protecting the life of my unborn baby. I still believe I will never be on bed rest with this pregnancy. I feel scared by the amount of contractions, but maybe this is my new pregnancy normal for now, and You are going to carry us through to July 23. You will continue to give me the ability to care for each of my three children who feel overwhelmingly young this week. A 32 week baby is not a 40 week baby, so I will still do the best I can to stay off my feet. I want to be wise in how I care for our baby boy.

Thank you, Lord, for the sleep you give your beloved children. After two nights of little sleep, tonight I will say to myself, "It is vain that you...eat the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."

Thank you, Lord, for the reminder that our children are a heritage and a reward. I am blessed, so BLESSED by the children that I have. Yes, they may be in a "no" stage for the 20th time in the last six months, plus recently discovered what it is to argue, and may still not have the hang of being gentle with a baby sister, BUT she is, of course, a blessing and I will love her every moment of every day. Another may be at a needy stage in life; learning to walk, but not confident enough yet to feel happy to explore this option, not a talker, and as recently discovered, a night owl, BUT she is, of course, a blessing and I will love her every moment of every day. I am relying on your wisdom and patience, and your skills as a watchman to make sure I make the most of every opportunity to teach what is right in a grace-filled way, and to help their hearts and minds heal when I've made a mistake.

Help me to be patient with myself, and to show myself grace. This life season with limitations is hard and not everybody is going to understand exactly what it feels like-that's ok. One of the hardest parts in asking for help is that you invite help. You invite opinions and questions, and the need to explain. Please help me to be gracious.

Thank you, Lord. You are watching and carrying every single one of us. Thank you for Luke who pulls double duty every.single.time.  .