Hope told me recently she loves me more than chocolate. It was a thoughtful, tender exchange.
It was really sweet.
Sometimes a person just needs to write this stuff down.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Glorious Unfolding
This song recently made me breathe a deep sigh of relief and cry tears and tears.
When I had two doctors in 10 days tell me they think I have Fibro I took it pretty hard. It felt a little like a death sentence. It felt a little like the life that lay before me was grim and hard, a percentage of the life I imagined/wanted. I felt like there was a battle going on for my thoughts and mind and attitude. A battle between good and evil, joy and depression, God and Satan. I feel deep within me that I need to saturate my mind with the Lord and his truth, his goodness, his righteous way. Memorize scripture, read the word, listen to good music. There is a battle for my mind. The war is on.
One morning I'm getting ready for Bible study and I remember a song a friend shared with me when I cried to her fresh off of my "diagnosis". (That is if Fibro is indeed my diagnosis.) She must have sensed how I felt so broken and bleak. She shared with me "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I was telling her it felt like the end. She said, or it's just the beginning. I didn't really get it...
I grabbed my phone and played it for the first time and listened to every word. Within the first 11 words I was crying off the eye makeup I had just applied. It was useless to continue to apply, I just needed to take a break and listen. Let the music speak and minister. The song has become my anthem. My story is so far from over. I'm ever so thankful for this song because it is really helping me.
"The Glorious Unfolding"
Praise God! Thank you Jesus for this message that is helping me so much.
When I had two doctors in 10 days tell me they think I have Fibro I took it pretty hard. It felt a little like a death sentence. It felt a little like the life that lay before me was grim and hard, a percentage of the life I imagined/wanted. I felt like there was a battle going on for my thoughts and mind and attitude. A battle between good and evil, joy and depression, God and Satan. I feel deep within me that I need to saturate my mind with the Lord and his truth, his goodness, his righteous way. Memorize scripture, read the word, listen to good music. There is a battle for my mind. The war is on.
One morning I'm getting ready for Bible study and I remember a song a friend shared with me when I cried to her fresh off of my "diagnosis". (That is if Fibro is indeed my diagnosis.) She must have sensed how I felt so broken and bleak. She shared with me "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I was telling her it felt like the end. She said, or it's just the beginning. I didn't really get it...
I grabbed my phone and played it for the first time and listened to every word. Within the first 11 words I was crying off the eye makeup I had just applied. It was useless to continue to apply, I just needed to take a break and listen. Let the music speak and minister. The song has become my anthem. My story is so far from over. I'm ever so thankful for this song because it is really helping me.
"The Glorious Unfolding"
Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning
Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding
Just watch and see (unfolding)
This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning
Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding
Just watch and see (unfolding)
This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)
Praise God! Thank you Jesus for this message that is helping me so much.
Psalty is at it again
I played Psalty 5 for my kids this morning as we drove to LeMars. It's the camping one. I really listened to one of the songs this time.
It ministered to me as I stand at the base of this Fibro mountain. I have no idea how I want to help myself at this point. I'm immobilized; too afraid to take a step. I'm sad about it. I'm mourning my reality. It's effecting me and my life and my relationships. I don't like that. I don't want to let it. I don't have to let it. I can be in control of this, and not let it control me. Or can I? Am I strong enough?
Psalty says:
There are mountain climbing experiences all through life. Around every bend there's going to be a new mountain, a new opportunity for us to grow and to see God work in our lives. When you start something, it's important to finish it. One thing about climbing mountains is you never do it in one big leap. You do it one step at a time. We don't have to trust God for the strength to make it to the top of the mountain. You only need to trust him for the strength to take the next step. The way you climb a mountain is one step at a time.
Kids Praise! 5
ONE STEP AT A TIME
Verse 1
When something seems too hard to handle
Too big to conquer, too far away to touch,
When all your dreams begin to shatter,
And deep inside you you’re hurting, oh, so much,
That’s when it’s time to say
Chorus
I’m climbing my mountain step by step
I’m climbing my mountain day by day
I’m climbing my mountain all the way
I’m climbing my mountain, I’m gonna make it
One step at a time, One step at a time,
One step at a time with Jesus by my side
One step at a time, One step at a time,
I’m climbing my mountain one step at a time
Verse 2
Even though you might grow weary
Don’t be discouraged, in your weakness God is strong
Remember this, He’ll never leave you,
He won’t forsake you, He’s your strength and He’s your song
So sing and start to say
It ministered to me as I stand at the base of this Fibro mountain. I have no idea how I want to help myself at this point. I'm immobilized; too afraid to take a step. I'm sad about it. I'm mourning my reality. It's effecting me and my life and my relationships. I don't like that. I don't want to let it. I don't have to let it. I can be in control of this, and not let it control me. Or can I? Am I strong enough?
Psalty says:
There are mountain climbing experiences all through life. Around every bend there's going to be a new mountain, a new opportunity for us to grow and to see God work in our lives. When you start something, it's important to finish it. One thing about climbing mountains is you never do it in one big leap. You do it one step at a time. We don't have to trust God for the strength to make it to the top of the mountain. You only need to trust him for the strength to take the next step. The way you climb a mountain is one step at a time.
Kids Praise! 5
ONE STEP AT A TIME
Verse 1
When something seems too hard to handle
Too big to conquer, too far away to touch,
When all your dreams begin to shatter,
And deep inside you you’re hurting, oh, so much,
That’s when it’s time to say
Chorus
I’m climbing my mountain step by step
I’m climbing my mountain day by day
I’m climbing my mountain all the way
I’m climbing my mountain, I’m gonna make it
One step at a time, One step at a time,
One step at a time with Jesus by my side
One step at a time, One step at a time,
I’m climbing my mountain one step at a time
Verse 2
Even though you might grow weary
Don’t be discouraged, in your weakness God is strong
Remember this, He’ll never leave you,
He won’t forsake you, He’s your strength and He’s your song
So sing and start to say
100 Ears, 100 Arms
H used her hands to hurt her sister again tonight.
She's in the top bunk, her sister is in the bottom. The lights are off. It's past bed time.
I looked her straight in the eyes.
"Do not use your hands to hurt your sister. I think you use your hands to hurt your sister when she is not doing what you want her to do. That is not ok." I'm pretty stern-faced.
I lean over to kiss O and say goodnight.
I look at H and she says, "Mom can I tell you something?"
I step up on the mattress and get close to her face.
She starts to tear up.
"I'm a forgetter."
"Oh, yeah, you forget to not use your hands to hurt, and now you're feeling bad."
"I forget when I hit G in the belly, and when I push O. I just forget to not use my hands to hurt."
She's crying pretty hard.
I'm hugging her.
"H, do you want to say a prayer and ask God to forgive you for your sins?"
"Uh huh. God, please forgive me for hurting my brother and sister, and help me not to forget."
She's still crying.
I feel like crying because I'm so moved and so proud of her. This is the most sincere prayer I have ever heard from her. I feel like it's her first heart-broken, heart-felt prayer. She is turning to the Lord to meet her needs and depending on him to help her.
"I'm so proud of you, H. You're such a good girl. God hears your prayer, and He is so happy to hear from you. He is so glad you asked for help, and he will help you!"
"Mom, what if God is at another prayer?"
"That's a really good question, H. Did you know that God hears everyone's prayers at the same time? He hears your prayers even if I'm praying at the same time as you."
She giggles and smiles.
"It's like he has 100 ears."
"Yeah, kinda like that. He listened to your prayer, and he is going to be so happy to help you."
"Mom, what if he's helping someone else?"
I give her the "you know what?!?" look.
She giggles and says, "He's got 100 arms."
"You're right, H. He helps us all at the same time."
I'm so proud of my Fancy Face, and so thankful for this reminder. My little girl ministered to my soul tonight. God really wants to hear from me, and he really wants to help me. That's what I believe.
She's in the top bunk, her sister is in the bottom. The lights are off. It's past bed time.
I looked her straight in the eyes.
"Do not use your hands to hurt your sister. I think you use your hands to hurt your sister when she is not doing what you want her to do. That is not ok." I'm pretty stern-faced.
I lean over to kiss O and say goodnight.
I look at H and she says, "Mom can I tell you something?"
I step up on the mattress and get close to her face.
She starts to tear up.
"I'm a forgetter."
"Oh, yeah, you forget to not use your hands to hurt, and now you're feeling bad."
"I forget when I hit G in the belly, and when I push O. I just forget to not use my hands to hurt."
She's crying pretty hard.
I'm hugging her.
"H, do you want to say a prayer and ask God to forgive you for your sins?"
"Uh huh. God, please forgive me for hurting my brother and sister, and help me not to forget."
She's still crying.
I feel like crying because I'm so moved and so proud of her. This is the most sincere prayer I have ever heard from her. I feel like it's her first heart-broken, heart-felt prayer. She is turning to the Lord to meet her needs and depending on him to help her.
"I'm so proud of you, H. You're such a good girl. God hears your prayer, and He is so happy to hear from you. He is so glad you asked for help, and he will help you!"
"Mom, what if God is at another prayer?"
"That's a really good question, H. Did you know that God hears everyone's prayers at the same time? He hears your prayers even if I'm praying at the same time as you."
She giggles and smiles.
"It's like he has 100 ears."
"Yeah, kinda like that. He listened to your prayer, and he is going to be so happy to help you."
"Mom, what if he's helping someone else?"
I give her the "you know what?!?" look.
She giggles and says, "He's got 100 arms."
"You're right, H. He helps us all at the same time."
I'm so proud of my Fancy Face, and so thankful for this reminder. My little girl ministered to my soul tonight. God really wants to hear from me, and he really wants to help me. That's what I believe.