Echo

This weekend Luke and I got to lead a small group at our church's weekend retreat for 6-12 graders. We got to stay in an amazing house with 10 juniors. Our group turned out to be really fun. By the end of the weekend I felt like I was just getting to know them, so it almost didn't seem long enough. However, I was exhausted, so I was glad it was time to go home. We got to hear a really great speaker who talked about our freedoms in Christ. We have freedom from legalism, but it would be foolish to use that freedom to do whatever we want. The Lord wants us to use our freedom and make the choice to obey Him. When we obey we are able to experience the best God has for us. I thoroughly enjoyed the band that played. We got to sing some new songs that were really good and meaningful. We had some late nights, great conversations, time to be creative (see everyone bending over our large mosaic that didn't win a prize, but should have), and an awesome time bowling.
The interesting thing is that I was not always enjoying myself, because there were times when I was taken out of my comfort zone. Luke had many students that were there, so often they would crowd around him and I would be left without a familiar face. My small group was off conversing with all their friends, and I was faced with the realization that this is the first time in a long time that I have felt friendless. I pretended like I had to go to the bathroom. I drank so much water from the drinking fountain that I actually did have to go to the bathroom. I couldn't wait for the social hour to end. I froze. I suddenly felt so self conscience and started to be irritated with kids. I got irritated with our church because it is so big and even though it's been a year and a half since we started going there, I still don't know anybody that I can just walk up to and start talking with. Or can I? Of course I can. The truth is I froze. I realized that I seem to always have Luke with me. When he's taken away with such admiration by his students with no love or attention given to me I wallow in self pity. I start to doubt that I have meaningful and interesting things to offer to those around me. The speaker had just gotten done talking about walls that we build to keep the bad out, but the problem with those walls is that they don't let any of the good get in either. Bingo. I've built walls. I was conscience of my wall-building during those moments and I was ok with it. My irritation with my surroundings made me ok with it. I realize now that I need to tear down some walls at church.

So it was a good weekend...exhausting, but really good.