It's my life and I'm going to grab it

I've always wanted to follow the rules. Unless I think you're rules are dumb. If that's the case I will do what I KNOW is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I will argue and show my emotion in a kind of embarrassing way. My mom used to tell me, "You argue! I'm going to tell your husband someday that you like to argue." I don't think she has, but I don't think she's needed to either. Luke found out on his own.
Anyway, in general, I'm going to follow your rules with little thought.
Maybe that's a problem though.
I've noticed my surprising lack of thought when it comes to living my own life. It's like, through years of conditioning and observation, I've noted and kept careful track of these "Rules of Life". A silly example: "There is one way to sell a house. You hire a realtor and put a sign in the yard." There's always another option when you are a Demarest, and usually it's a cheaper, do-it-yourself kind of option. This has taken some getting used to. Not to say that it's always the right option, or that we always go that route.
Anyway, because I'm for the most part a rule follower, I don't think out of the box. I guess you could say my strong suit is not creative play. Give me rules and tell me how to do it, or how you figured it out, and I'll copy you. I do that over and over again.
I've been thinking lately, "It's my life. I want it to count. I don't want to wake up one day and look around to find my children grown and be unhappy with how I've lived because I haven't taken responsibility for what is happening here. I don't want to fail at planning our life, fail at being purposeful, fail at making decisions/actions that are eternal. It's not everybody else's life. Who cares what they do. I can do something different. It's not wrong if it's different."
Luke and I are HORRIBLE at making decisions. Absolutely horrible. We definitely put off making them. Is it because we generally don't care either way? Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's because we are procrastinators. We know the decision doesn't need to be made yet, so we won't talk about it any more than we have to, until the need for a decision is upon us. That can be dangerous in life because what if that leads to a hasty decision? What if our lack of discussion and time given to the subject leads to a decision we will be unhappy with later?
The good news is that we have put a lot of thought into our current living and building situation and we are moving ahead in a prepared manner. The bad news is that for the next 6-12 months there will be many decisions that will confront us daily. If you see me lying on the floor in the fetal position you know it's because I can't handle all these decisions.
In conclusion, I want to own my life. I want to write a purpose statement for my life and revisit it periodically. I don't want my life to happen by accident or have other people tell me how to live it. I want it to be purposeful, eternally-driven, and a true testimony of God's faithfulness. When I wake up in the morning I want to say, "Yep, this is my life. I chose this. I'm happy with what it is."
I am, by the way...happy with what it is.
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Just pictures

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Life in the 'Ville

What should I tell you about the last few months? I will give you an update from my new HP Elite Pad...not to be confused with a Leap Pad. They sound similar. We have made the distinction at our house already.
* We have been living at Luke's grandparent's house since we moved on Thanksgiving weekend. When we moved in, Grandpa was living in the nursing home, so the house was vacant. Grandpa has since passed away. We are thankful for the family's generosity to let us stay here while we wait for our new house to be built. The house meets our needs nicely, except for the number of bedrooms. There are two. Griffin currently sleeps in a oversized closet in his pack 'n play. He will be well into his second year by the time we move again, so we will cross the bridge of moving him out of there and into...the girls' room?? Not sure what to do about that yet.
* It is definitely still winter here. I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not walking around complaining about it. We have spent much of the winter here, in the 'Ville, playing inside and recovering from multiple rounds of illness. It will be nice to officially welcome spring with the warmer temps hopefully next week. We need to get out of the house.
* When spring arrives we will begin construction on our new house. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because what a tremendous gift and blessing that is all wrapped up in a ranch style, 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, main-floor-laundry house (when completed). Nervous because money makes me nervous, and this is a huge financial endeavor. I'm completely scared of spending too much on carpet and not having enough money for the kitchen cabinets that I want (for example). One thing I heard this week, on the Today show, that I'm really taking to heart is that a lack of will power is really just a failure to be organized. So, the problem is not that I'm an over spender or an over eater, it's that I don't have a budget or a daily food plan.
* Enter food. This winter has also seen me running on my treadmill and attempting to keep better tabs on what I'm eating. As I alluded to earlier, I've seen my need for a food plan. I need to be keeping track of my calories if I want to aid my running in accomplishing my weight loss goal. I have a 5K goal for this year. I plan to run one on July 6.
*Something I've been pondering...what in the world is my community right now??? I want to serve and minister to a community, and be part of a community, but seriously, what is my community? C'ville? I feel like I only just live here, buy gas and 32 ounces at the local Casey's, and occasionally shop at the new grocery store. Motown? (my pet name) Not really. Not yet. When we were there before it's scary how few connections we had. BSF? This weekly Bible study provides a wonderful community of ladies of many ages. I love sitting in a room of ladies 10-40 years my senior. Suddenly I am transported to a world and perspective that is refreshing and uplifting, at least this year. Unfortunately I can only make it there half the time...that's life with three that are so little. So I can't really say I'm contributing to a community there, at least not consistently. A church community? This is by far the strongest one, but even that isn't saying much these days. I've missed a lot of church lately because of sick kids. When I am there it seems like I'm juggling a diaper bag and kids and coats, and find it hard to focus on other people, other surroundings. Usually when I am there I walk away having had at least one good conversation so that's good. BUT I feel like a missing element right now is my contribution factor. I know it will get better and easier, so I'm going to ride this tide trying to live purposefully wherever I am. I guess that "wherever" just happens to be with three little ones that depend on me for so much right now. That's kind of a beautiful place to be. I like them a lot, and I'm pretty bent on making sure they are smart, respectful, kind and caring with a knowledge and love for God. I want them to learn it from me, so I guess I'm in the right place.
* On the other hand, am I seriously still spoon feeding a baby? Yes. I thought about this today and it blew my mind a little.
It's late, and I'm already breaking my "No social media contribution after 11 pm" rule and my "Close your eyes by 10 pm" rule.
I'll end by attempting to upload the first picture I took with the HP Elite.

January 20, 2013

Today we remember Grace.



And we dedicated Griffin.


Thank you, God, for full arms today. We are so blessed. That makes us happy. At the same time we miss Grace. That makes us remember and grieve our loss. We also get super thankful for the chance to see her again in perfection.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, (Romans 5:3, 4 ESV)

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Location:4th St,Correctionville,United States

Family Photo Book

I made a family photo book. Hopefully I've done this right so that interested parties may view it.


http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AYuGTZszZtWLpA&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET

Life with Three under 3.

Hope is two. She will be three in November.
Olivia is 15 months. We thought she and Griffin would be 14 months apart. Turns out they are 13.
Griffin is almost two months old. I couldn't ask for a better baby. All of my babies have been great.

A few pictures of our life...our new normal...our lovely crazy...

This is a sleeping Griffin. Please compare this early photo to more recent sleeping pictures further down this list. He's getting bigger!

This was taken during our process of packing up toys. We are trying to sell our house and our realtor said we need to pack up more toys. The girls got in one more play time. I don't know why Hope likes to pat Olivia on the head. She does it a lot.

 

 Olivia can put those shades on top of her head and walk around. It is pretty funny to turn around and see her entering the room like a cool dude.

 

 Olivia sleeps in this pack and play now. We removed the crib to open up some space in this room. I plan to tear down this bed before a house showing. I'm hopeful that will help people see that the room isn't that small. Still small, just not that small. It's funny to see babies looking out a window.

 

 Luke wasn't really sleeping. Capturing a moment...

Olivia sometimes gets to play with toys in her bed. Lots of times it happens because Hope opens the door when Olivia is sleeping, Olivia wakes up, Hope laughs and is excited to play with Olivia, Hope gives Olivia a toy, and the two of them play until I come to get Olivia out. I have had firm discussions with Hope about entering this room when Olivia is sleeping. Now most of the time Hope enters only after I say something like, "It sounds like Olivia is awake!"

 

 Some sleeping pictures for size comaprison.

 

The girls love to play together. Hope talks a lot, runs, cries, 'reads', sings, plays, pretends, imagines, and helps a lot. Olivia grunts, yells, laughs, cries, crawls, and WALKS. Hope is a big girl and walks on our walks through town. We have a double stroller, but that's not good enough with three little ones. So, Hope walks with me and holds my hand when we cross the street. She resisted walking in the beginning. Yesterday I put Griffin in a carrier and left room for Hope in the stroller, but Hope wanted to walk instead. She does such a good job with everything. She helps Olivia get a drink from the refrigerator, or more food during meal time without being asked. 

 

 Hope takes a nap on Mommy and Daddy's bed in the middle of the day. I move Griffin's bed out, and Hope's pillows/blanket in. Olivia stays in the bedroom for nap time.

 

 We put a dresser in the closet. We needed to move it out of the front room, so this is where it landed. This dresser has clothes for Olivia and Griffin. The other dresser (seen in the picture above) holds clothes for Hope. In these dressers are clothes for summer, fall, and winter for the next year.

 

 This is a common sight. I sit in that black chair with Griffin multiple times during the day for 45 minutes at a time and the girls play around me. It's so fun to take every book down from the shelf to have a book party! It's also great to take all the toys out of the basket to find the two miniture kangaroos. It's also great to do this before 10 am, and to clean it up at 9 pm.

 

 Some days I have to fold laundry during nap time. Some days I take a nap too. This room is also a play area while I sit with Griffin.

 

 Hope's book party! I'm not sure why she has no clothes. She often decides she does not want her clothes. Notice she is still in a diaper. I'm not ready to push potty training right now (though I tried quite a few times before Griffin was born), but I think I will be soon. I think Hope is ready too. She knows what it is all about, but she really doesn't want to. I mean she REALLY doesn't want to. Maybe the next time we try she will act a lot differently.

Yesterday I changed four diapers in 10 minutes. Olivia was the repeat offender.

 

 Olivia is playing with a tape measurer in the bathroom. She has a sippy cup in the bathroom. I concluded that Hope gave her that drink.

 

 Hope thought it was a new fun play place underneath the counter in the kitchen. I agree. I think I'd like to play there if I were little. She decided to have a book party under the counter. Olivia joined in. I'm not sure why Olivia has no clothes. Well, yes I am. It was after bath time and we hadn't gotten to the pj's yet.

Sometimes Griffin sleeps while the girls are napping, other times he doesn't. On days that he is awake during nap time I power through the day with very little time to myself. When the girls go to bed for the night, usually I would get some time to myself while Luke watches Griffin (if G isn't nursing), but it's then that I get ready for bed and lay down. To everything there is a season...He's a sweet little guy.

 

 It's so great that Luke usually does bath time.

 

 Lots of days we will take a walk from 10 am to 11:30 am. Sometimes we will walk with Daddy after supper.

 

 Another sleeping picture for size comaprison. This was taken at church.

I submit this in an effort to give you an idea of life at 122 Jones Street since July 7, 2012. I'm not sure how it compares to yours or other busy moms, but it is what it is. I am overwhelmed at times, tired a lot, but not exhausted (yet). I often feel like a triage nurse, assessing the crying babies to see who needs my attention immediately and who can wait for a bit. I pray that even though I am spread thin at times, that my kids will know my love for them and see my joy in their presence.

Griffin Dale (the entry that took two months to write)

I've been wanting to write about Griffin's birth story for WEEKS now. I have found a free hour to record the happenings of July 2012.

Griffin Dale Demarest was born on July 7, 2012. It was a Saturday. My sister Liz and her family were staying at our house for the weekend. I was really looking forward to having a free day to spend with her and our husbands and kids. I was 34 weeks pregnant. Doctor appointments were showing that there was reason to take things easily, and don't push it. Well, no one had said bed rest yet, so I decided I would continue to get our house ready for the "For Sale" sign. And I was still going to venture to the city with Liz and the families. Our plan was to go to Sam's Club and lunch, send everyone home for naps while the two of us went to Hobby Lobby. Pumped!

I got up from the kitchen table to start cleaning up the breakfast Andy had helped me prepare. During our preparations I told Andy that I felt great! If the Smith family reunion were that very day, I would go and have a good time. An hour later I was standing in the kitchen after my water broke, six weeks early. I was not scared. I wasn't worried. I gave an apologetic look to Liz, and told Luke we needed to go to the hospital. We hurriedly packed some things (forgetting our camera), and drove to the hospital. Andy came to our rescue an hour later by driving our camera to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 10 am. We sat and chatted and watched "The Walking Dead" marathon--a very boy thing to watch. Around 2 pm my doctor came, removed the stitch, checked the baby's position, and decided we would schedule a c-section for Sunday morning at 8. Griffin was breech. I wasn't having contractions yet, but I knew once I did, it would not be long at all before he was born. I hoped that our c-section would move up to Saturday night, and I wouldn't have to experience labor pains. From 5-7 the contractions started and got stronger, and my doctor decided to start things up at 8pm. Griffin was born at 8:20 pm. I thought the c-section was horrible. I felt so nauseous. When Griffin was born he was crying loudly. Luke watched them clean him up, and then whisk him away to the NICU. We got to see him again around midnight. I was too tired to see him long, so we went to our room, slept, and spent the next two days recovering and seeing Griffin as often as we could.

Griffin is a miracle; every baby is. He was planned and prepared by God, and this is why I was never worried or scared. On July 7, after my water broke, I thought, "OK. He'll be here six weeks early, he'll be in the NICU for a little bit, but he will come home with me some time soon after. He will be ok. We are far enough along. My heart can rest assured in God's care because I have not been in control of one little thing through Griffin's whole life. It has been God's timing and God's way." I'm so thankful I spent that day in the arms of God's peace.

 

I think Griffin was born at just the right time. Nobody wants to have a preemie baby, or a baby that needs to be in the NICU, but I still think God's hand was in Griffin's early arrival.

• A c-section requires lots of rest and relaxation to recover well. Since Griffin was in the NICU, and I was with him all day, most days, for two weeks, I was able to sit in a really big chair and do practically nothing. That was great for my recovery.


• Griffin was born in early July instead of the middle of August. Luke's BUSY time at work is the middle of August. It would have been so ridiculous if Griffin was born when he was due. Luke would have been able to take very little time off.

• I knew that I was going to need lots of help with the kids when Griffin was born, and immediately after he was born. My sister and mom were here the weekend he was born. Luke was able to be home with our girls for the next two weeks--the two weeks that Luke's mom (our usual babysitter) was not able to help out with childcare. Then when Luke had to go back to work, Grandma Jo and Grammie were available whenever I needed them. My mom did come visit us for about four days at the beginning of August and was a huge help.

Because I know God's timing was absolutely perfect with Griffin's birth, I am relying on that to help me rest and trust God as we are trying to sell our house.
Oh, our house. That is a whole other issue.
Our time in the NICU was challenging and emotional. But, everything is emotional the first few weeks after baby comes. We are so thankful Griffin got well so quickly, and was home with us after just two weeks. Praise God!
We are so in love with Griffin. He is beautiful, and is a great baby. He sleeps really well, and isn't fussy. We love his name.
Griffin: because it was a cool sounding name that we could agree on. Unique enough and common enough.
Dale: because it is a family name on my side of the family, and because it sounds a little bit like Ardell. Ardell is Luke's middle name, and his dad's middle name, and his dad's middle name, and his dad's middle name...  I felt a little strange about stopping the tradition, but neither one of us loved that name, so Dale it is.
Griffin Dale sounds really cool too. I think it sounds like something out of Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter*. (*Gryffindor...am I right or am I right?)
Here are a few birth pictures to look over.
Thank you, God for a healthy baby boy! Thank you for your care and provision of a healthy, long enough pregnancy. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Thank you, God, for all of the prayer warriors far and near--more than I will ever know. How AMAZING to know that each of my children were prayed for and loved fervently...all FOUR of them.
We are so incredibly blessed.