It's not that I don't know WHAT to pray, it's that I don't know HOW to pray.
When Liz went into labor and had Collin too early I prayed more fervently than I'd prayed since college.
When I went into labor and had Grace too early I prayed more fervently still.
Now that a best friend from highschool faces trouble with her baby only six months along I come before the Lord to pray, but I'm at a loss. I don't know how to do it.
"What do I have to say, Lord? How do I have to say it to get You to listen to me? What are the magic words that will change these circumstances, that will stop the contractions, that will miraculously change the issues that need fixing? What do you want from me??"
I'm at a loss.
I know what I want to have happen, but the stark truth is that God's plans are very often different.
I know the truth about prayer: that God does hear every prayer, He listens, He answers every prayer. What I'm not sure about quite honestly is if His answers would be different if my words displayed more faith. I constantly get different messages on this, so I'm just not sure. So, yesterday in my car I found myself wondering how to pray. "Lord, I know what I want for my friend, but I don't know what I have to say to show you that I'm serious about this." Funny thought. The Lord knows I'm serious. He's serious too. He's serious about caring for His children, and accomplishing His glory. It is my belief, hard as it is to say, that He's serious about His purposes even if that means suffering for His children.
Well, I'm not meaning to say there's no hope for my friend. There most assuredly is! I'm not with her and I don't know what the doctors are saying, but there's always hope.
In my car yesterday since I didn't know how to pray, I found myself repeating over and over again, "Yes, you can! Yes, you can!" Thanks to Barack Obama for that one. Jesus can heal, Jesus can stop contractions, Jesus can create new life and sustain it for 9 months in the womb and bring it to a healthy delivery--this is what we are praying for so many expectant mothers that I know of around the country, including my twin sister who is pregnant again, due in May. Praise the Lord! Jesus can make an infertile womb fertile again. Jesus can take an parts of a body that have trouble working correctly and make them whole and healthy. Praise the Lord!
But will He?
I don't know, and I need to keep learning how to be ok with the times He doesn't.
6 comments:
I thank God for the clarity you are coming to, Deb. :)
Yes, He can!!
Deb,
I am always challenged by your heart to seek God and ask Him your tough questions. I will be praying for your friend as well...and you too, my dear. Love you
Stacy
Oh Deb. You're making me cry...again! And guess what???...God has heard our prayers!! He is faithful! Thank you for being a great friend for my sister! Love you!
"Hear my prayer O Lord, and let my crying come unto thee."
I have a hard time sometimes with prayer too Deb...as in, it always seems silly and awkward for me to try and formulate my prayers into strings of words. I end up feeling like I'm trying to convince God of something. So a lot of times I focus on the thought or feeling that is on my heart and just envision it flowing towards God, and then making verbal comments as they come to me.
oh Deb....praying for you and your friend. You are so real - I love that about you!
PS - congrats to Liz!!!! I'm thrilled by that news, yay yay. I will be praying for her through her pregnancy.
Miss you and love you friend.
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