Luke and Deb's "Not a Podcast"

Episode 1

We thought it would be fun to talk to each other and then let other people listen to it if they want to.


It WAS fun.🤣🤣💑

Billy Graham

The Rev. Billy Graham passed away this week...I believe it was Wednesday. He was 99. I have to admit, it made me emotional. He was such a FAITHFUL man. Faithful to his God and God’s message. He made no apologies for the message he shared. It was God’s message. Well done, Dr. Graham. My mom shared the news with me, and shared her own Billy Graham story. I don’t have a Billy Graham story, but I’d kinda like to be as faithful as him. These are the things that matter in the end.

Interview with KLG regarding Billy Graham’s passing.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Whispers

G: Mom, you make all my days fun. You make all my days perfect.
(Repeats himself a few times and it's broken up as he searches for just the right words to say what he wants to say. He is tired at 8:15pm, and he's had a couple crying spells tonight. It's a rare tender and quiet moment with Griff. I almost get ready to ask him to repeat himself as I lean in closer trying to hear his whispers and decipher the broken sentences.)
Me: Aw, buddy, thank you. You make all my days fun and perfect too. Because I love you so much.
*Hugs*
G: I love you so much too.
*Cuddles and hugs*

Summer 2017

He Calls Me Friend

Praise God for calling G to be a member of His family this afternoon! We sat down to read a book before rest time: My ABC of God Loves Me. I'm not sure where we even got this book...probably was given to one of the kids by a Demarest family member for a birthday. I'm thankful we picked it up, and that it provided the opportunity for us to discuss being a part of God's family. We got to H: "God the Holy Spirit can stay forever in your heart. You only have to ask Him and you'll never be apart." H started to really question these words saying they didn't make sense. I started to do some explaining, and it felt almost like she was ready to argue about it. I'm trying to be patient because I know she's heard these things before. Griffin and Olivia get involved in the conversation. O tells Griffin that if you don't ask Jesus into your heart, you will be with Satan forever, not God. H and O know that G has not made this decision yet. The conversation happened easily and relatively quickly. I believe G has a lot of front knowledge on this subject, so it was easy for him to believe. He said, "So what do I need to do to be in Heaven?" We discussed the death of Christ, the family of God, the punishment for sin, and the gift of salvation. He was ready to pray quickly, so he started and with a few helps, he asked God to "forgive my bad things and take them out of my head

, and please let the Holy Spirit live in me to help me do the right things, and thank you that I will be in Heaven with You someday." The three of us girls celebrated. I know the girls felt some relief that G had finally made that decision. :) We texted family members to share the joy, and let Daddy know too. G was excited to learn that he would be with all of us in Heaven someday, even Gracie. We gave him hugs and kisses, and again we see that G has a really good life: he's adored and loved by his sisters and parents and extended family. Now G can be assured of the Lord's love for him too. Father, thank you for your most awesome free gift of salvation to me and now my whole family.

Broke my heart

Tonight in tears Hope told me she doesn't like her face. This broke my heart. I asked her what she meant. She said when I look in the mirror I don't like what I see. My face. It's too much like an oval.

I realized I don't know how to help her feel better. I've thought these things too--not that my face is too oval, but a thousand other things. The thought ran through my mind: oh no, what have I said to be an example of this kind of attitude? I did not seem crazy to me that she might have heard me say something similar, and now she's starting to look for things she doesn't like about herself. Oh Lord, I feel terrible if I've caused her to ever think that she has reason to dislike her body.

My heart broke because I see no wrong thing when I look at Hope. I think she is gorgeous! But I didn't want to say you're beautiful! You're gorgeous! You're prettier than any other little girl! She needs to value herself, she needs to see her worth, she needs to see her own beauty on the inside and then hopefully she'll see what I see on the outside too.

I had her look at my face. She smiled and giggled a little and stopped crying. I asked if my face is oval. She said yes. I asked if she likes my face. She said yes. I told her she is just right and so beautiful in God's eyes and mine.

We got interrupted at that minute, and I'm not sure if she felt any better. I guess at this time I'm thankful she felt safe enough to tell me how she feels. I'm also encouraged to be careful about what I say about myself. I'm also encouraged to help her understand how God feels about her and help her find her beauty and worth and talent and value.

She's so beautiful! It is so sad to me that she dislikes what she sees in the mirror. I can find no ugly thing!

Is this how God feels about me?


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The Angels are Rejoicing!

Sweet Olivia asked Jesus into her heart tonight. It might be the sweetest thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. I told her the angels are rejoicing and we will be together forever! That makes her happy. Praise God!

"Mom, do you know when you'll go to heaven?"
"No, I don't. Nobody does. It happens when we die, or when Jesus comes back."
Astonished, "Jesus is coming back to Earth?"
"Yes, He will! Do you know that? He died on the cross, rose again, then he went up to Heaven." All these things she was familiar with. "And when he went up to heaven, he said live for me until I come back for you."
"What will happen when he comes back?"
"He will take everyone up to heaven with him."
We were talking in nearly whispers as her sister lay above us occasionally wondering what I was still doing talking to Olivia even after good-nights at 9:30 on a Wednesday night after AWANA.
"Will he take everyone in the whole world up to heaven with him?"
"No, he will only take the people who believe in him, and who have asked them to be their savior. When we ask Jesus to be our savior we get to go to heaven with him. Do you know what happens when you don't do that?"
"No."
"If you don't ask Jesus to be your savior, you go to a place called hell. Have you heard that word before?"
"No."
"It is a very bad place, and it's where the Devil is."
"How do you ask Jesus to be in your heart?"
"That's a really good question, Olivia. Some people pray a prayer and say thank you Jesus for dying for my sins. Please forgive my sins and come into my heart, and help me live my life for you. And whenever you're ready, Olivia, you can pray that prayer if you want Jesus to be in your heart."
"Can I do it right now?"
"Yes, you can, Olivia."
"You do it."
"I think it's something that you need to do."
"Me?"
"Yes, because Mommy already said that prayer."
"You did?"
"Yes. And Daddy did too, and Hope."
"And Griffin?"
"Not yet, but we will pray that he will someday."
I gave her some ideas of things she could say to Jesus in her prayer. And she began with no fear, very assured that this is what she wanted to do, and this is what she believed. This was her conviction.
"Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sin. And thank you for forgiving my sin. And thank you for loving me. Amen."
The angels are rejoicing!
"Do you want to also say something like please come into my heart, be my savior, thank you?"
"Yes"
So she did. She sweetly, quietly asked for a few helps. What a sweet soul she is. Praise God!
We spoke about how the angels are rejoicing because of her decision, and how the Holy Spirit is living inside of her right now. I had to explain what the Holy Spirit is, and what is does for people who believe in Jesus.
"I have the Holy Spirit living in me, and it helps me make good decisions. It helps me be a better mom. It helps me understand things about God. And now He is living in your heart to help you."
She was happy. She gave me big hugs, and we talked about who we would see in heaven.
As she drifts off to sleep tonight I know the Lord is rejoicing over her sensitive heart. He is loving her better than I am right now. I like to think of him seeing the things she'll do in her life to serve him, and seeing the heart to hearts they'll have. Lord, as she drifts off to sleep, I recognize that she is yours. Thank you ever so much for the privilege of being her Momma. I have received an incredible gift.
I checked on Hope and she wondered why we had taken so long. Our whispers...
"Olivia and I were talking about Jesus, and she just asked Jesus into her heart."
Realizing the weight of those words, "She did?"
"Yes, isn't that wonderful?"
"mm-hmm. I already did that."
"Yes, you did, and now we will be in heaven together forever."
We again talked about how we all will, but Griffin has not made that decision yet.
So, we pray. Lord, we ask with hopeful hearts and dependent hearts that you would bring Griffin to yourself. And we praise you with adoring hearts that you have given Daddy, Mommy, Hope and Olivia the gift of salvation.
The Lord be praised.

More Than Chocolate

Hope told me recently she loves me more than chocolate. It was a thoughtful, tender exchange.
It was really sweet.
Sometimes a person just needs to write this stuff down.

Glorious Unfolding

This song recently made me breathe a deep sigh of relief and cry tears and tears.

When I had two doctors in 10 days tell me they think I have Fibro I took it pretty hard. It felt a little like a death sentence. It felt a little like the life that lay before me was grim and hard, a percentage of the life I imagined/wanted. I felt like there was a battle going on for my thoughts and mind and attitude. A battle between good and evil, joy and depression, God and Satan. I feel deep within me that I need to saturate my mind with the Lord and his truth, his goodness, his righteous way. Memorize scripture, read the word, listen to good music. There is a battle for my mind. The war is on.
One morning I'm getting ready for Bible study and I remember a song a friend shared with me when I cried to her fresh off of my "diagnosis". (That is if Fibro is indeed my diagnosis.) She must have sensed how I felt so broken and bleak. She shared with me "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I was telling her it felt like the end. She said, or it's just the beginning. I didn't really get it...
I grabbed my phone and played it for the first time and listened to every word. Within the first 11 words I was crying off the eye makeup I had just applied. It was useless to continue to apply, I just needed to take a break and listen. Let the music speak and minister. The song has become my anthem. My story is so far from over. I'm ever so thankful for this song because it is really helping me.

"The Glorious Unfolding"

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding

Just watch and see (unfolding)
This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)

Praise God! Thank you Jesus for this message that is helping me so much.

Psalty is at it again

I played Psalty 5 for my kids this morning as we drove to LeMars. It's the camping one. I really listened to one of the songs this time.

It ministered to me as I stand at the base of this Fibro mountain. I have no idea how I want to help myself at this point. I'm immobilized; too afraid to take a step. I'm sad about it. I'm mourning my reality. It's effecting me and my life and my relationships. I don't like that. I don't want to let it. I don't have to let it. I can be in control of this, and not let it control me. Or can I? Am I strong enough?

Psalty says:
There are mountain climbing experiences all through life. Around every bend there's going to be a new mountain, a new opportunity for us to grow and to see God work in our lives. When you start something, it's important to finish it. One thing about climbing mountains is you never do it in one big leap. You do it one step at a time. We don't have to trust God for the strength to make it to the top of the mountain. You only need to trust him for the strength to take the next step. The way you climb a mountain is one step at a time.

Kids Praise! 5
ONE STEP AT A TIME

Verse 1
When something seems too hard to handle
Too big to conquer, too far away to touch,
When all your dreams begin to shatter,
And deep inside you you’re hurting, oh, so much,
That’s when it’s time to say

Chorus
I’m climbing my mountain step by step
I’m climbing my mountain day by day
I’m climbing my mountain all the way
I’m climbing my mountain, I’m gonna make it
One step at a time, One step at a time,
One step at a time with Jesus by my side
One step at a time, One step at a time,
I’m climbing my mountain one step at a time

Verse 2
Even though you might grow weary
Don’t be discouraged, in your weakness God is strong
Remember this, He’ll never leave you,
He won’t forsake you, He’s your strength and He’s your song
So sing and start to say

100 Ears, 100 Arms

H used her hands to hurt her sister again tonight.
She's in the top bunk, her sister is in the bottom. The lights are off. It's past bed time.
I looked her straight in the eyes.
"Do not use your hands to hurt your sister. I think you use your hands to hurt your sister when she is not doing what you want her to do. That is not ok." I'm pretty stern-faced.
I lean over to kiss O and say goodnight.
I look at H and she says, "Mom can I tell you something?"
I step up on the mattress and get close to her face.
She starts to tear up.
"I'm a forgetter."
"Oh, yeah, you forget to not use your hands to hurt, and now you're feeling bad."
"I forget when I hit G in the belly, and when I push O. I just forget to not use my hands to hurt."
She's crying pretty hard.
I'm hugging her.
"H, do you want to say a prayer and ask God to forgive you for your sins?"
"Uh huh. God, please forgive me for hurting my brother and sister, and help me not to forget."
She's still crying.
I feel like crying because I'm so moved and so proud of her. This is the most sincere prayer I have ever heard from her. I feel like it's her first heart-broken, heart-felt prayer. She is turning to the Lord to meet her needs and depending on him to help her.
"I'm so proud of you, H. You're such a good girl. God hears your prayer, and He is so happy to hear from you. He is so glad you asked for help, and he will help you!"
"Mom, what if God is at another prayer?"
"That's a really good question, H. Did you know that God hears everyone's prayers at the same time? He hears your prayers even if I'm praying at the same time as you."
She giggles and smiles.
"It's like he has 100 ears."
"Yeah, kinda like that. He listened to your prayer, and he is going to be so happy to help you."
"Mom, what if he's helping someone else?"
I give her the "you know what?!?" look.
She giggles and says, "He's got 100 arms."
"You're right, H. He helps us all at the same time."

I'm so proud of my Fancy Face, and so thankful for this reminder. My little girl ministered to my soul tonight. God really wants to hear from me, and he really wants to help me. That's what I believe.

Thank you

Olivia walked out of bed on this Christmas Day evening. It's 9:30 and long past bed time. I'm preparing myself to send her back to bed with a slight scolding as I've done hundreds of times in her lifetime, but only for the first time this evening. She says to me, "Mom?" in a very quiet voice. I say, "What do you need Olivia?" in a slightly impatient tone. Gaining confidence since I didn't immediately send her to her room, she starts walking toward me saying, "I need to tell you something in your ear." I walk towards her against my better judgment since I'm sure she's going to repeat what she said to me earlier today in this same manner: "I have to go potty." She moves her mouth right over my ear, I ready myself to say, "Then go, and go back to bed. You don't need to tell me before you go potty."

She whispers, "Thank you."

She's so thankful for her Anna doll that she's holding and taking to bed with her tonight, and dressing and undressing while she should be sleeping.
I'm so thankful that my daughter is sitting in bed, playing, and gratitude wells up in her heart and she just needs to tell me how she feels. I'm so thankful for her grateful, sweet spirit. I'm so thankful that our talks about being thankful at Christmas have taken root somewhat.

Merry Christmas. It's been a great one at our house. I'm very thankful for the real reason for Christmas. I'm still enchanted by that story...probably why my most favorite time of the season is Christmas Eve night. When I was only 5 or 6, on Christmas Eve night, I asked Jesus to be my Savior, and dedicated my life to Him. God still grabs my heart on that night.

One Year Later

I think the last time I wrote a blog post was one year ago. I think people might have stopped checking this.



I wanted to write something down about today. Something happened. It was emotion, and it was a reminder that I'm alive and feel deeply, and a reminder of the therapy there is in human dialogue that goes beyond pleasantries. When I was driving away, I couldn't believe how long it had been since I opened myself up to cry in front of someone, and this time, I had no control over it...it just happened.



Hope has been going to VBS in Moville this week. Today was day 4 of 4. I'm glad she got to go because our church is not doing one. And I thought it might introduce her to some Moville kids her age. And I thought it might get her ready for preschool with the whole leaving Mommy and siblings to do something by herself aspect. I was not surprised that when I dropped her off and picked her up on day 1 I was so very critical. Critical of Moville, critical of what they did NOT do to put a parent at ease, and critical of other people for having conversations with people they know, because how dare everyone in Moville be related to each other. And how dare everyone in Moville ignore me because they don't know my face. That's not always true. And sorry about my critical tendency.



I've had a rough 10 days because I'm trying this elimination diet to see if I can get myself feeling better. It's been a long, stressful year with all of our projects, and moves, and changes. In the last two years I have had a premature baby, NICU time, improving a house, showing a house, selling a house, moving, building a house, planning a new house, sometimes single parenting three lovely but young children, being a bit lonely in a small town that grew on me, moving again, adjusting to new neighbors and finding where I fit in, and being a bit lonely in another small town (because I think a SAHM might struggle with loneliness wherever she is). Also during this time I've developed some concerning health symptoms that I just can't get to the bottom of, not yet at least.



So, I'm wondering if there's been stress in my life? Not wondering if there's been stress. I'm wondering if the stress in my life has been affecting my health physically AND emotionally. I was taken aback by my response to a woman I met today, and it alerted me. Have I been neglecting an emotional outlet, and have I been closing myself off to the people around me? I really think I have. I know I've neglected to share life with other people, my family and friends. I've not reached out, I've not made myself uncomfortable to show interest in their lives or struggles. At least, not enough.



Today I went to pick up Hope at church for the last time and was really touched by the normal thing that happened. The lady at the long VBS table said, "Come, come. Come and find your child's magnet. Look for a face you recognize."

• Wow, how refreshing to be addressed upon entering the building. Every other time I've had to ask what to do, where to go....and honestly, it infuriated me. It was another evidence to me that people in Moville don't explain things. They just expect everyone to know already because of course they would...you grew up here right? You've done this before right? No, I haven't. And I don't know you. I'm coming to your turf now too, it's your safe place, not mine. Please help me feel at ease with my most prized possession, my child. And please show me that you're interested in meeting new people. And please just be friendly. If you're not, I get defensive and I shut down. I've seen myself do this time and time again...I shut down and get critical of you and everything you're doing. It's a bad way to operate. 

The woman smiled at me and continued to explain until I found Hope's magnet. When she saw who my daughter is she said, "Oh, so you're Hope's mom. You're a Demarest. So how do you know Sarah Gitlin?"

• My eyes welled up. Someone in Moville notices I'm here. She's having a conversation with me. She has a connection with me. She's interested in me. Why was this making me cry? Could she tell my eyes were watering? I didn't have tears roll down my face, but I felt like she had to know. I fully expected her to say something like, how do you know Mark Demarest or Luke Demarest or any other Demarest since I get that so often in this Correctionville area. It was meaningful to me to have it not be that, for some reason. She had recognized the Demarest name all week, and knew that name from Facebook. That's funny. I comment on stuff, and she sees my name. She was interested in me...how am I friends with her friend?  Sarah means so much to me; it was almost like the mention of her name was part of why it affected me so much.

We talked about how great Sarah is, how I (we) know her, a future party Sarah is hosting, the coffee shop in CVille, and again how great the Gitlins are.

• I came away so thankful she had a conversation with me. I want to engage people in conversation because what she did was not hard, it was just a good thing to do. I didn't even know it would mean that much to me, but it just goes to show how important it is to have a conversation with someone who is out of their safe place. Show an interest in someone new. And finally, I came away hoping upon hope that somebody somewhere has had a similar conversation about me.  "How do you know Deb?" TEARS. "Isn't she great? We have been friends for a long time. The Demarests, well, they're lifetime friends. I love spending time with her at her house. She was there for me when I really needed her." I hope that's who I am to other people. Ha, kinda funny because it seems like I want to hear good things about myself. But really, I just want to be involved in the lives of others. And I want them to have a positive experience...to feel better, be better, having known me.

Thanks to the woman who talked to me today. It was meaningful.

Olivia's Second Year

Today I finished Olivia's photo book for her second year. I really enjoy creating the books, but I always have way too many pictures. It may look a little cluttered, but at least she'll have lots to look at in years to come.

Hopefully this link works...



http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AcM3DVi5auGzo4&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET

It's my life and I'm going to grab it

I've always wanted to follow the rules. Unless I think you're rules are dumb. If that's the case I will do what I KNOW is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I will argue and show my emotion in a kind of embarrassing way. My mom used to tell me, "You argue! I'm going to tell your husband someday that you like to argue." I don't think she has, but I don't think she's needed to either. Luke found out on his own.
Anyway, in general, I'm going to follow your rules with little thought.
Maybe that's a problem though.
I've noticed my surprising lack of thought when it comes to living my own life. It's like, through years of conditioning and observation, I've noted and kept careful track of these "Rules of Life". A silly example: "There is one way to sell a house. You hire a realtor and put a sign in the yard." There's always another option when you are a Demarest, and usually it's a cheaper, do-it-yourself kind of option. This has taken some getting used to. Not to say that it's always the right option, or that we always go that route.
Anyway, because I'm for the most part a rule follower, I don't think out of the box. I guess you could say my strong suit is not creative play. Give me rules and tell me how to do it, or how you figured it out, and I'll copy you. I do that over and over again.
I've been thinking lately, "It's my life. I want it to count. I don't want to wake up one day and look around to find my children grown and be unhappy with how I've lived because I haven't taken responsibility for what is happening here. I don't want to fail at planning our life, fail at being purposeful, fail at making decisions/actions that are eternal. It's not everybody else's life. Who cares what they do. I can do something different. It's not wrong if it's different."
Luke and I are HORRIBLE at making decisions. Absolutely horrible. We definitely put off making them. Is it because we generally don't care either way? Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's because we are procrastinators. We know the decision doesn't need to be made yet, so we won't talk about it any more than we have to, until the need for a decision is upon us. That can be dangerous in life because what if that leads to a hasty decision? What if our lack of discussion and time given to the subject leads to a decision we will be unhappy with later?
The good news is that we have put a lot of thought into our current living and building situation and we are moving ahead in a prepared manner. The bad news is that for the next 6-12 months there will be many decisions that will confront us daily. If you see me lying on the floor in the fetal position you know it's because I can't handle all these decisions.
In conclusion, I want to own my life. I want to write a purpose statement for my life and revisit it periodically. I don't want my life to happen by accident or have other people tell me how to live it. I want it to be purposeful, eternally-driven, and a true testimony of God's faithfulness. When I wake up in the morning I want to say, "Yep, this is my life. I chose this. I'm happy with what it is."
I am, by the way...happy with what it is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Just pictures

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life in the 'Ville

What should I tell you about the last few months? I will give you an update from my new HP Elite Pad...not to be confused with a Leap Pad. They sound similar. We have made the distinction at our house already.
* We have been living at Luke's grandparent's house since we moved on Thanksgiving weekend. When we moved in, Grandpa was living in the nursing home, so the house was vacant. Grandpa has since passed away. We are thankful for the family's generosity to let us stay here while we wait for our new house to be built. The house meets our needs nicely, except for the number of bedrooms. There are two. Griffin currently sleeps in a oversized closet in his pack 'n play. He will be well into his second year by the time we move again, so we will cross the bridge of moving him out of there and into...the girls' room?? Not sure what to do about that yet.
* It is definitely still winter here. I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not walking around complaining about it. We have spent much of the winter here, in the 'Ville, playing inside and recovering from multiple rounds of illness. It will be nice to officially welcome spring with the warmer temps hopefully next week. We need to get out of the house.
* When spring arrives we will begin construction on our new house. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because what a tremendous gift and blessing that is all wrapped up in a ranch style, 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, main-floor-laundry house (when completed). Nervous because money makes me nervous, and this is a huge financial endeavor. I'm completely scared of spending too much on carpet and not having enough money for the kitchen cabinets that I want (for example). One thing I heard this week, on the Today show, that I'm really taking to heart is that a lack of will power is really just a failure to be organized. So, the problem is not that I'm an over spender or an over eater, it's that I don't have a budget or a daily food plan.
* Enter food. This winter has also seen me running on my treadmill and attempting to keep better tabs on what I'm eating. As I alluded to earlier, I've seen my need for a food plan. I need to be keeping track of my calories if I want to aid my running in accomplishing my weight loss goal. I have a 5K goal for this year. I plan to run one on July 6.
*Something I've been pondering...what in the world is my community right now??? I want to serve and minister to a community, and be part of a community, but seriously, what is my community? C'ville? I feel like I only just live here, buy gas and 32 ounces at the local Casey's, and occasionally shop at the new grocery store. Motown? (my pet name) Not really. Not yet. When we were there before it's scary how few connections we had. BSF? This weekly Bible study provides a wonderful community of ladies of many ages. I love sitting in a room of ladies 10-40 years my senior. Suddenly I am transported to a world and perspective that is refreshing and uplifting, at least this year. Unfortunately I can only make it there half the time...that's life with three that are so little. So I can't really say I'm contributing to a community there, at least not consistently. A church community? This is by far the strongest one, but even that isn't saying much these days. I've missed a lot of church lately because of sick kids. When I am there it seems like I'm juggling a diaper bag and kids and coats, and find it hard to focus on other people, other surroundings. Usually when I am there I walk away having had at least one good conversation so that's good. BUT I feel like a missing element right now is my contribution factor. I know it will get better and easier, so I'm going to ride this tide trying to live purposefully wherever I am. I guess that "wherever" just happens to be with three little ones that depend on me for so much right now. That's kind of a beautiful place to be. I like them a lot, and I'm pretty bent on making sure they are smart, respectful, kind and caring with a knowledge and love for God. I want them to learn it from me, so I guess I'm in the right place.
* On the other hand, am I seriously still spoon feeding a baby? Yes. I thought about this today and it blew my mind a little.
It's late, and I'm already breaking my "No social media contribution after 11 pm" rule and my "Close your eyes by 10 pm" rule.
I'll end by attempting to upload the first picture I took with the HP Elite.

January 20, 2013

Today we remember Grace.



And we dedicated Griffin.


Thank you, God, for full arms today. We are so blessed. That makes us happy. At the same time we miss Grace. That makes us remember and grieve our loss. We also get super thankful for the chance to see her again in perfection.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, (Romans 5:3, 4 ESV)

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Location:4th St,Correctionville,United States

Family Photo Book

I made a family photo book. Hopefully I've done this right so that interested parties may view it.


http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AYuGTZszZtWLpA&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET

Life with Three under 3.

Hope is two. She will be three in November.
Olivia is 15 months. We thought she and Griffin would be 14 months apart. Turns out they are 13.
Griffin is almost two months old. I couldn't ask for a better baby. All of my babies have been great.

A few pictures of our life...our new normal...our lovely crazy...

This is a sleeping Griffin. Please compare this early photo to more recent sleeping pictures further down this list. He's getting bigger!

This was taken during our process of packing up toys. We are trying to sell our house and our realtor said we need to pack up more toys. The girls got in one more play time. I don't know why Hope likes to pat Olivia on the head. She does it a lot.

 

 Olivia can put those shades on top of her head and walk around. It is pretty funny to turn around and see her entering the room like a cool dude.

 

 Olivia sleeps in this pack and play now. We removed the crib to open up some space in this room. I plan to tear down this bed before a house showing. I'm hopeful that will help people see that the room isn't that small. Still small, just not that small. It's funny to see babies looking out a window.

 

 Luke wasn't really sleeping. Capturing a moment...

Olivia sometimes gets to play with toys in her bed. Lots of times it happens because Hope opens the door when Olivia is sleeping, Olivia wakes up, Hope laughs and is excited to play with Olivia, Hope gives Olivia a toy, and the two of them play until I come to get Olivia out. I have had firm discussions with Hope about entering this room when Olivia is sleeping. Now most of the time Hope enters only after I say something like, "It sounds like Olivia is awake!"

 

 Some sleeping pictures for size comaprison.

 

The girls love to play together. Hope talks a lot, runs, cries, 'reads', sings, plays, pretends, imagines, and helps a lot. Olivia grunts, yells, laughs, cries, crawls, and WALKS. Hope is a big girl and walks on our walks through town. We have a double stroller, but that's not good enough with three little ones. So, Hope walks with me and holds my hand when we cross the street. She resisted walking in the beginning. Yesterday I put Griffin in a carrier and left room for Hope in the stroller, but Hope wanted to walk instead. She does such a good job with everything. She helps Olivia get a drink from the refrigerator, or more food during meal time without being asked. 

 

 Hope takes a nap on Mommy and Daddy's bed in the middle of the day. I move Griffin's bed out, and Hope's pillows/blanket in. Olivia stays in the bedroom for nap time.

 

 We put a dresser in the closet. We needed to move it out of the front room, so this is where it landed. This dresser has clothes for Olivia and Griffin. The other dresser (seen in the picture above) holds clothes for Hope. In these dressers are clothes for summer, fall, and winter for the next year.

 

 This is a common sight. I sit in that black chair with Griffin multiple times during the day for 45 minutes at a time and the girls play around me. It's so fun to take every book down from the shelf to have a book party! It's also great to take all the toys out of the basket to find the two miniture kangaroos. It's also great to do this before 10 am, and to clean it up at 9 pm.

 

 Some days I have to fold laundry during nap time. Some days I take a nap too. This room is also a play area while I sit with Griffin.

 

 Hope's book party! I'm not sure why she has no clothes. She often decides she does not want her clothes. Notice she is still in a diaper. I'm not ready to push potty training right now (though I tried quite a few times before Griffin was born), but I think I will be soon. I think Hope is ready too. She knows what it is all about, but she really doesn't want to. I mean she REALLY doesn't want to. Maybe the next time we try she will act a lot differently.

Yesterday I changed four diapers in 10 minutes. Olivia was the repeat offender.

 

 Olivia is playing with a tape measurer in the bathroom. She has a sippy cup in the bathroom. I concluded that Hope gave her that drink.

 

 Hope thought it was a new fun play place underneath the counter in the kitchen. I agree. I think I'd like to play there if I were little. She decided to have a book party under the counter. Olivia joined in. I'm not sure why Olivia has no clothes. Well, yes I am. It was after bath time and we hadn't gotten to the pj's yet.

Sometimes Griffin sleeps while the girls are napping, other times he doesn't. On days that he is awake during nap time I power through the day with very little time to myself. When the girls go to bed for the night, usually I would get some time to myself while Luke watches Griffin (if G isn't nursing), but it's then that I get ready for bed and lay down. To everything there is a season...He's a sweet little guy.

 

 It's so great that Luke usually does bath time.

 

 Lots of days we will take a walk from 10 am to 11:30 am. Sometimes we will walk with Daddy after supper.

 

 Another sleeping picture for size comaprison. This was taken at church.

I submit this in an effort to give you an idea of life at 122 Jones Street since July 7, 2012. I'm not sure how it compares to yours or other busy moms, but it is what it is. I am overwhelmed at times, tired a lot, but not exhausted (yet). I often feel like a triage nurse, assessing the crying babies to see who needs my attention immediately and who can wait for a bit. I pray that even though I am spread thin at times, that my kids will know my love for them and see my joy in their presence.

Griffin Dale (the entry that took two months to write)

I've been wanting to write about Griffin's birth story for WEEKS now. I have found a free hour to record the happenings of July 2012.

Griffin Dale Demarest was born on July 7, 2012. It was a Saturday. My sister Liz and her family were staying at our house for the weekend. I was really looking forward to having a free day to spend with her and our husbands and kids. I was 34 weeks pregnant. Doctor appointments were showing that there was reason to take things easily, and don't push it. Well, no one had said bed rest yet, so I decided I would continue to get our house ready for the "For Sale" sign. And I was still going to venture to the city with Liz and the families. Our plan was to go to Sam's Club and lunch, send everyone home for naps while the two of us went to Hobby Lobby. Pumped!

I got up from the kitchen table to start cleaning up the breakfast Andy had helped me prepare. During our preparations I told Andy that I felt great! If the Smith family reunion were that very day, I would go and have a good time. An hour later I was standing in the kitchen after my water broke, six weeks early. I was not scared. I wasn't worried. I gave an apologetic look to Liz, and told Luke we needed to go to the hospital. We hurriedly packed some things (forgetting our camera), and drove to the hospital. Andy came to our rescue an hour later by driving our camera to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 10 am. We sat and chatted and watched "The Walking Dead" marathon--a very boy thing to watch. Around 2 pm my doctor came, removed the stitch, checked the baby's position, and decided we would schedule a c-section for Sunday morning at 8. Griffin was breech. I wasn't having contractions yet, but I knew once I did, it would not be long at all before he was born. I hoped that our c-section would move up to Saturday night, and I wouldn't have to experience labor pains. From 5-7 the contractions started and got stronger, and my doctor decided to start things up at 8pm. Griffin was born at 8:20 pm. I thought the c-section was horrible. I felt so nauseous. When Griffin was born he was crying loudly. Luke watched them clean him up, and then whisk him away to the NICU. We got to see him again around midnight. I was too tired to see him long, so we went to our room, slept, and spent the next two days recovering and seeing Griffin as often as we could.

Griffin is a miracle; every baby is. He was planned and prepared by God, and this is why I was never worried or scared. On July 7, after my water broke, I thought, "OK. He'll be here six weeks early, he'll be in the NICU for a little bit, but he will come home with me some time soon after. He will be ok. We are far enough along. My heart can rest assured in God's care because I have not been in control of one little thing through Griffin's whole life. It has been God's timing and God's way." I'm so thankful I spent that day in the arms of God's peace.

 

I think Griffin was born at just the right time. Nobody wants to have a preemie baby, or a baby that needs to be in the NICU, but I still think God's hand was in Griffin's early arrival.

• A c-section requires lots of rest and relaxation to recover well. Since Griffin was in the NICU, and I was with him all day, most days, for two weeks, I was able to sit in a really big chair and do practically nothing. That was great for my recovery.


• Griffin was born in early July instead of the middle of August. Luke's BUSY time at work is the middle of August. It would have been so ridiculous if Griffin was born when he was due. Luke would have been able to take very little time off.

• I knew that I was going to need lots of help with the kids when Griffin was born, and immediately after he was born. My sister and mom were here the weekend he was born. Luke was able to be home with our girls for the next two weeks--the two weeks that Luke's mom (our usual babysitter) was not able to help out with childcare. Then when Luke had to go back to work, Grandma Jo and Grammie were available whenever I needed them. My mom did come visit us for about four days at the beginning of August and was a huge help.

Because I know God's timing was absolutely perfect with Griffin's birth, I am relying on that to help me rest and trust God as we are trying to sell our house.
Oh, our house. That is a whole other issue.
Our time in the NICU was challenging and emotional. But, everything is emotional the first few weeks after baby comes. We are so thankful Griffin got well so quickly, and was home with us after just two weeks. Praise God!
We are so in love with Griffin. He is beautiful, and is a great baby. He sleeps really well, and isn't fussy. We love his name.
Griffin: because it was a cool sounding name that we could agree on. Unique enough and common enough.
Dale: because it is a family name on my side of the family, and because it sounds a little bit like Ardell. Ardell is Luke's middle name, and his dad's middle name, and his dad's middle name, and his dad's middle name...  I felt a little strange about stopping the tradition, but neither one of us loved that name, so Dale it is.
Griffin Dale sounds really cool too. I think it sounds like something out of Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter*. (*Gryffindor...am I right or am I right?)
Here are a few birth pictures to look over.
Thank you, God for a healthy baby boy! Thank you for your care and provision of a healthy, long enough pregnancy. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Thank you, God, for all of the prayer warriors far and near--more than I will ever know. How AMAZING to know that each of my children were prayed for and loved fervently...all FOUR of them.
We are so incredibly blessed.