Saturday, January 03, 2009

Lately I have been aware of being ok with where I'm at. The last thing I want to have happen is to get to the point where I'm thinking, "As soon as Luke and I are pregnant again and have a successful pregnancy THEN I will be content, THEN Christmas will be a happy time, THEN I will feel good about life." This is the kind of thing I want to avoid.

I read a devotion mid-December that I thought was a perfect expression of how I've been feeling. I want to be devoted to the Lord, have an unconditional love for Him, praise His name no matter what He brings me. I can trust Him because He works all things together for good. Here is a piece from that devotion:
___________________________________________________________
Ps. 134:1,3
Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord who minister by night in the house of the Lord...May the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth, bless you from Zion.
"You may see this as a strange time to worship--'ministering by night in the house of the Lord.' Indeed, worshiping at night, during the depth of our sorrows, is a difficult thing. Yet therein lies the blessing, for it is the test of perfect faith.
It is easy for me to worship in the summer sunshine, when the beautiful melodies of life seem to fill the air, and the lush fruit of life is still on the trees. But when the songbirds cease and the fruit falls from the trees, will my heart continue to sing? Will I remain in God's house at night? Will I love Him simply for who He is?
If I can do these things, then my worship is complete and my blessing glorious. And at last I truly know that I desire not the gift but the Giver. Yes, when I can remain in His house through the darkness of night and worship Him, I have accepted Him for Himself alone."
__________________________________________________________
Well, 2008 has been a very difficult year. It seems to have gone so fast, yet I feel like I can rememeber every second of it. There is a common pale pink thread running through every single day. I've been looking back at my year to see where I've been. It seems my life is the same, but we've come so far.
I don't know what 2009 will bring. But I know I'm not afraid. I've learned that I have incredible family and friends who are always there, and I have a God who is worthy of my love and trust.
Exodus 14:8-14
The LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, so that he pursued the Israelites, who were marching out boldly. The Egyptians—all Pharaoh's horses and chariots, horsemen and troops—pursued the Israelites and overtook them as they camped by the sea near Pi Hahiroth, opposite Baal Zephon. As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

2 comments:

Holli said...

I'm sometimes afraid of what 2009 will bring. I had several "very low" points in 2008 (but also several high points) and fear that it could get worse instead of better.

Liz said...

I remember being discouraged because, seemingly, nothing had changed over a certain period of time in my life. All my hopes and desires had been unfulfilled and goals weren't met--not because of my failings, but because God's plans are different than our own. It's important to be okay with where you are in life; to accept your journey as one that God has established for you, and not one you dreamt up for yourself. I'm sorry for the disappointments that are understandably in your mind's eye, but I'm thankful for the lesson God has allowed you to learn recently. I still think about Grace EVERY day! I think back fondly on the time I got to spend with her and I miss her. We're thinking of you and Luke this month.